A challenge to change

Hello! My last post was a kind of a wake-up call. Something was completely wrong. So a call to action was required. For 30 days I challenge myself to change. I was on a webinar with Michael Beckwith a while ago and he said something like: ” your biggest enemy is the control. The moment that you understand that the only thing you can control is yourself, then your life will improve.”.

With or without realizing it, every day we are trying to gain control over things, people, events, anything. Well, guess what. This is just a fake assumption. I had a period when I was a control freak. You can’t imagine how much I was fighting to control every single little thing of my life until, in the end, I failed. And then I understood that I have to surrender and give it up. Because, in reality, you can’t control anything more than your mind and body. My last post was somehow trying to show that when you try to control/influence someone’s life, the only outcome you can get is losing that person or causing huge damage for nothing. For example, I want that person back, but this doesn’t mean that I can make him come or decide on his feelings.

This challenge is just the beginning. The warming. But for 30 days, I will put myself first and start to work on every aspect of my life, starting with the most important: mental health and wellbeing. If 2020 was the year of mental transformation, 2021 is the year of personal development. So bring it on!

Listen to your heart…

Hello!! Today I am getting a little personal, as it is about a story that I think we all have been through at least once in life. And I hope it will help the ones that are going through the same situation right now.

Today is one of those days when I wish that I could have a superpower to go back in time and change some things. Some beliefs, some actions, and my approach towards my happiness. Today is one of those days when I miss him…miss myself and what we had. But let’s start with the beginning. Last year I met a guy who is a month made me change completely. In the best way. Gave me strength, pushed my limits, and saw the real me. One of the very few people in my life who saw me raw. For a month, I was waking up and going to sleep with him. Talked all day long and had the most amazing nights. Endless conversations, endless dreams, and one of the happiest versions of myself. I was smiling and laughing all the time. Until one point when I got scared. He was younger than me by 3 years but wanted something serious. And everyone around me, including my parents, were like: ” Oh he will leave you soon, he is too young for you” and so on. But no one asked me how I felt. They kept thinking that I will be back with my long-term ex and that being with this guy will only affect my future. Eventually, we stopped talking. But didn’t give up on each other. We tried, but always we found a way to get back. A like, a story reaction, anything that could keep us in contact. On the 21st of November was the last time that we spoke. It was his bday. Since that day, our only communication is the IG reactions. 2 nights ago, he was online. And for the first time, I was aching to talk to him. Anything, just to hear him again. But I didn’t. And it hurts.

After 2 months of not talking I miss him like crazy. I miss our talks and how positive I was then. Guys listen to your heart. Live the moment. I am not talking about toxic relationships. But if you feel like he/she is the right one for you, fight for him/her. Don’t do my mistake. I followed other advice without thinking of myself a second. What this gave me? Regrets, crying myself to sleep, and continuously questioning myself about “what if”. It is better to be happy that it happened than regret it about what could have been.

“My childhood is a nightmare”

Hello!! I hope you are all well and safe. Since I was a teenager I volunteered for children from poor families. But since the pandemic started, I choose to extend it to children from normal families and teenagers who need advice or just someone who listens to them.

And there is a little boy, very well behaved but who always seems sad and uncomfortable. And before the holidays, I asked him to write a letter about how he feels about being a 9 years old child. And what he wrote left me speechless. From phrases like:” I just want a normal childhood cause mine is a nightmare”, to “my parents don’t let me play because they think my education is more important” or ” when my friends are going on trips or spending fun time together, I have to go to my piano and dance courses, which I hate”. And one of the things that shocked me the most was:” I truly want a pet, but my parents won’t even let me touch an animal, because they think it is a hazard for my health and safety”. Really?

Can someone please explain to me when society changed so much? I am 28, but I still can’t keep up with these changes. Like since when tablets, phones, and all the personal development courses replaced the actual childhood? My little cousin is only four years old and he is only interested in his tablet. Ask him to play like a normal child, and he gets lost. He is in his virtual world. What about that old childhood with games, friendships, and stuff? Since when it is normal to be scared of a pet instead of loving it just because your parents claim it is a health and safety hazard?

Let the children discover, explore, live their childhood. I understand that times changed, but we were children too. I was allowed to stay and play as long as I kept in mind that education was a priority. I was raised with animals (all type of animals), just because my parents and grandparents thought that it was important to develop my skills in any situation. I have bruises, scars, and memories for a lifetime. And friends from my childhood too. But I don’t regret a second, as I would do it all over again. Listen more to your kids’ dreams and necessities. Their childhood is not coming back. And they will grow up with frustrations and regrets for the lost time.

Have a fantastic Tuesday πŸ™‚

Be afraid of losing yourself, not others

Hello everybody! Today I want to share with you one of the things that helped me realize my worth and increase my self-esteem and self-trust. How many times in life you didn’t hear things like: ” Be more like I want and I will love you more?”,” Change this or that and I will appreciate you more?”, ” If you don’t do things as I want, I will leave you?”. Seriously now. Studies have shown that we, as humans, are more likely to change based on others’ needs and expectations than by satisfying ours. However, the same studies revealed that by doing so. we are slowly but surely losing our identity.

Either it is about a friend, lover, or family member, how many times you didn’t lower your standards or acted in a certain way just to make them happy? Now the question is, would they do the same? Or are they asking things from you without being able to provide anything in exchange?

I used to do the same mistake. I was like a muppet. Everyone’s opinion was above my needs. And guess what? I lost dreams, projects, amazing people due to listening to people that left me in the first second that I stopped listening to them. However, this was a blessing in disguise. It made me find the real me, love me, and care for myself more and appreciate more those who stay and accept me the way I am. I lost people that I didn’t think I could live without, and yet I am still here. Life is not about scared to lose others, but about losing yourself. No one stays forever in our lives. We are the only guarantee in this life. For how long no one knows. But it is our game and we should follow our rules.

My personal experience made me understand something: my freedom ends where yours begins. Relating this to the first paragraph, what those people are trying to do is manipulate. When there is love, respect, and trust, you don’t manipulate. You manipulate when you are 0 in terms of education, self-esteem, and care towards others. So if you had this type of person in your life and lost them, be happy. Cause if you lost them, but found yourself, you won. Don’t lose yourself for anyone, it’s not worth it!

Have a fantastic day! πŸ™‚

Top 5 lessons of 2020

Hellooo! As the year is over, I was thinking of pointing out the top 5 lessons of 2020 and how this year pushed our limits, broke the wall, and obliged us to change. So let’s start:

  1. You can do anything you want: How many times weren’t you unsure about doing a certain thing or what will people think about it? Well, DO IT. It’s your life, not theirs. Learn, read, do a course, develop yourself. Anything that can help you improve your life and you as a person. Stop telling people about your dreams, work for them, and show the results afterwards.Β 
  2. Life changes in a second: Life doesn’t wait for us to decide if we are ready to do something or not. Sometimes it forces us to do so. How? Who knows? For example, I always wanted to work in hotels. And I did until the pandemic when everything closed. I am sure that things for hotels will not be back to normal soon, so I had to change the direction of my career. I learned about subjects that I never thought of as a possible money maker. From a duty manager in hotels before the pandemic, I ended up being a writer and content creator. And I am still learning to increase my chances in this new domain. So don’t take anything for granted
  3. Put yourself first: Who you truly are? What are your dreams? What do you want from life? Stop seeking validation and have expectations from others. Look in the mirror and see who you are not who others think you are. Stop putting yourself last and others first. Show yourself more love and care and you will see the difference.
  4. People always show their true colors: Even if you want or not. Some people will appear in your life for a reason, a season or to be by your side no matter what. Although the last category is extremely rare nowadays, they do exist. But the first category is the worst: are those people who turn up in your life for getting what they can from you and afterward disappear. The type of people who have absolutely nothing to give, only to receive. If someone wants to leave your life, open the door. Don’t force/beg anyone to stay. Who is supposed to stay will do without you asking for it. Last year I was thanking God for bringing in my life people that I thought were the best for me , while in reality, they were worse than enemies. So pay attention to who are you calling lovers, friends, family, and so on. Not always they are who you think.
  5. Be grateful, love, and live the moment: Be grateful for who you are and what you have. Love as much as you can, show love to people who need it the most. Be nicer and help whenever you can. You never know what the person next to you is going through. Live the moment: stop waiting for tomorrow, a week, month, or year to be happy. Happiness comes from inside, not outside. If you are not happy with yourself, you won’t be able to make or be happy with anyone else.

Happy Sunday everybody!! πŸ™‚

Goodbye 2020

Happy New Year!! I hope you are all well and enjoying the first days of 2021. 2020 is finally over. A year like no other, that seemed more like a tornado, than a normal year. One thing is for sure: it passed fast and changed everything in its way.

It was a year that made us reset some of our beliefs and habits and created a new version of ourselves. In my opinion, a new era began. 2020 wasn’t like an ordinary year. It brought a pandemic that somehow created new normality. What we knew before the pandemic, doesn’t seem to exist anymore. People evolved this year. Exactly like in a game, 2020 was just the warming level. What comes next, is unsure. No one knows. 2020 is definitely a year to remember, but not revive.

However, on the night of 2021, I saw after a long time people happy. It was like they were freeing from something. Celebrating, laughing, dancing. Hoping for a better year. I wish each one of you that 2021 will bring the best to you. To a year full of love, happiness, compassion, hope, and positive changes. To 2021 that can be remembered in a good way and not another year that we can’t wait for it to be over. Love you all!

Expectations vs reality

Hello!! I hope you are all well and enjoying this time. As we have 5 days left this year, I wanted to share a lesson with you. How expectations create a toxic environment and affect our lives.

How many times in this life you didn’t expect someone to do something? It doesn’t matter if personally or professionally, but it is in our human nature to do so. What we don’t understand is that expectations are seriously affecting our mental health as most of them are not achievable. The worst part comes when you are in a relationship, and you expect so many things from your partner that you forget to differentiate imaginary from reality.

Just because you are kind to people, or show care and love, it doesn’t mean that they feel the same. Unfortunately, nowadays, people are nice to you as long as they can get what they want from you. After, they will treat you as you never existed in their lives. Stop believing that expecting something from someone will automatically become reality. People behave as they want, regardless of how you feel about it. However, in the long term run, you may suffer a lot. More than you can believe. When you stop expecting, you start realizing a person’s true colors. You want to be good and help? Go ahead. But don’t expect something in return. Some people have absolutely nothing to give(and I am not talking about financial stuff). Some know only to receive, never to give.

I learned this the hard way. I had expectations from people that I would have given me life for. Guess what? They turned up to be the worst people in my life. And people that I didn’t expect anything from, ended up being very important in my life. Do you want to expect something from someone? Then raise your expectations from yourself. Have more expectations from yourself as a person, professional, friend, everything. The biggest expectation that you should have in this life is to improve your life by believing more that you can do anything you want. Don’t expect changes or love or care or anything from others. Do it with yourself first. And you will see the difference. Love you all! πŸ™‚

So this is Christmas

Merry Christmas everyone!!! Our first pandemic Christmas. Who would have thought? I am used to writing happy and positive posts about Christmas, but as the times are tough and this year was pretty crazy (and not in a good way), today I feel the need to talk from my heart.

This Christmas is special. And it should be a moment for us to look within ourselves and see what needs to be changed or improved. Christmas is not only about presents but also about love, compassion, and care for each other. You may be miles away from your family, friends, loved ones. You may be single or married, happy, or in a bad state of mind. But one thing is for sure. You are not alone. For some, it may be a difficult time, especially with the pandemic. But this should pass too. And hopefully, we will be back to normal. But until then, take this Christmas to appreciate what you have. Be grateful for who you are. And if you are with your family at the moment, show them more love. Laugh, eat, drink, do whatever you want. Forget for a moment about the bad part of life. Take a deeper look at the right one. Send a message, give a call to someone you didn’t talk to for a long time. You never know how much this means for them.

And if you are alone, don’t despair. I know and completely understand how bad it feels especially during the winter holidays. But the things will get better. I promise. It always does.

This Christmas is a little different for me. Because it is for the first time when I am breaking the traditions and just have some time with my dog, my parents, and my closest relatives. But talking to my dearest people (not only family but friends too) made me realize that the magic of Christmas is about spirituality and getting closer to the ones you love. And although it sounds like a cliche, it is about becoming a better person:)

The story of an orange.

And nope, I am not crazy πŸ™‚ Just wait for it. Today is a personal post, but it is a lesson that changed my personality.

I grew up in a family with strong values and traditions. But being the first baby in the family, everyone spoiled me. And it was good up to a point. I got used to receive what I wanted, and no matter what, everything was turning in my favor. And this made me an impossible child. A rude, selfish one. Until one day when my grandfather had enough and decided to give me a lesson. It was December 2001, and that year was awful. My grandfather died in January (my mom’s father) and I didn’t know how to cope with it. Everyone showed me so much love and care and satisfied all my needs that I lost control. I was 7 years old and that December was the first one without my father (who was abroad working) and my grandfather(who has been one of my favorite family members.

So, on Saint Nicholas day (on the night of 6th of December, we put our shoes and wait for sweets), I slept at my grandparents (father’s parents) place and waited for my presents. But guess what? I received only one ORANGE. And a letter. It said something like ” You must understand that love is not about how many or how expensive are things you receive. It is time for you to understand to be grateful for all the things you have and learn to share with others. You are loved and cared for. Happy holidays! “. I remember that I cried like a baby cause I was so disappointed. I got ready, went to the church with my grandparents, and there was a little girl. I remember like it was yesterday. A younger girl, poorly dressed, holding a dirty doll in her hand. And she asked for food. And as that day, everyone was giving food for the dead ones, my grandma had oranges and cookies and sweets with her too. So she asked me to give that girl a package. I swear that never in my life I saw someone being so happy for an orange. She ate it immediately with such happiness on her face.

I went home and looked at that orange that I received. And my grandpa told me:” As long as you have what to eat and someone who you can share with, you are blessed”. And since that year, every year I wait for my orange. I can receive anything, but an orange as a gift became a tradition.” Years later, I found out that my grandpa was the one who wrote the letter. And I loved him even more for that.

Be grateful for what you have. Someone may only dream about it. And if you have the chance to share it with anyone, do it. It may not change the world, but it makes you a better person and your soul a little happier :)Love you all!

It’s okay to not be okay

Hello everybody!! We wear everyday things like: “Don’t show your emotions, you will look weak.”, “You have to be stronger”, “Mental health is overrated.” Believe it or not, this affects us more than we may accept or understand. This year I started volunteering as a mental health listener for children and teens. What I have heard is unbelievable. Parents suppressing their own children’s emotions just for social stigma. Children being at the suicidal point for not being heard or understood while dealing with depression or anxiety. Where is this world going?

It is absolutely fine to don’t be OK. Life is not pink, full of unicorns in a perfect fluffy world. Nope. Life puts you down, gives you lessons, but it also lifts you. As an anxiety fighter myself, I know how it’s to be treated like weird when people don’t understand your feelings. I know how it’s to smile and be happy in front of others when inside my soul is screaming for help. Crying myself to sleep for nights without anyone supposing that something is wrong with me. Because for too long I thought that I have to be strong and don’t show emotions. Until I couldn’t anymore. And I ended up crying anytime, anywhere and feeling like I am worthless. Until one point, when I took myself to a soul inspection. I wrote down everything I was going through, and the worst part was that I had to solve my inner child’s problems. I am not done, as I still have bad days, but I learned that I am stronger than I thought and I am making progress day by day.

For anyone who sees this and is going through a hard time, you are not alone. You are loved and cared for. You can do anything, this is just a bad phase. Not the end. Show your emotions, your true feelings, ask for help if needed. You have me here. We are all in this together. Keep going, the best is yet to come. Love you all! πŸ™‚