Control is not love

Happy Easter to all the Orthodox people reading this. I hope everyone is ok. Today is about something that we tend to understand as a form of caring: control. And it is a great mistake that we do. Because, by controlling others, we only manage to push them away from our life.

Control comes in many ways but being constantly asked questions like: ” who texted/called you?”, “Why are you appearing online and who are you talking to?”, ” why/ how/when/where….?” or repeated ” suggestions” of what they think may be better for you, without asking for their opinion are only a small part of what being controlled is. And when you ask them to stop or ask for explanations, is always the same answer:” I care for/love you and want to know everything about you”. What needs to be understood is that by nature, people are free. Even though we try to understand this type of behavior, sooner or later, we’ll “break the chain and try to escape”.

Either this or if it’s family-related will try to hide everything from them. To let them know only the basics. The control is learned from childhood, when parents, with/without realizing, are implying the idea that control is a form of caring and that love is shown by this. Little do they know, that when the children grow up, will either maintain the same path or will become adults addicted to being controlled by others, as they don’t know any other way.

And don’t get me wrong, I agree with knowing what your child is doing. I am only talking about that control when you are living your child’s life. Control is toxic for any type of relationship. Parents, lovers, friends, everything. And by this, you are not losing people around you. You also show how little you trust yourself and how low is your self-esteem. Because believe it or not, control is often done by those who are frustrated (any reason), have anger problems, low self-esteem, self-love, and don’t trust themselves too much…

So next time when you are being controlled, analyze if it’s something wrong that you did, or if the problem is with them. And if the answer is the last part, then you surely deserve better. Have a fantastic Sunday everybody!

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