“Stay a little longer”

Today I will talk about one of the saddest parts of my life. And I hope that this will help someone who is going/went through the same thing.

I had the blessing to have the most amazing grandparents you can ever think. That type of elders like in the fairytales we grew up with: caring, loving, supportive, and the best cookers.

I lost my first grandpa when I was 8. Before going to school, my grandma called and said that he is gone. Although it hurt a lot, I was too little to understand the real deal. I only knew that he became my angel. The second one taught me the most important lesson of my life and the saddest at the same time. I was 20, studying abroad. It was time to go back to uni, and I went to say goodbye to them. I was coming back home in less than a month, so I didn’t stay too long then. For the first time in my life, my grandpa was begging me to stay a little more. Few more minutes. I was in such a rush that I didn’t couldn’t but promised him that I will be back soon and then I will stay longer for sure. And next time I did stay longer. At the cemetery. He died 2 weeks after I went back to uni. I wasn’t able to attend his funeral and didn’t have the chance to say a proper goodbye.
For 8 years I hated myself more than you can ever imagine. For being in a rush, for not staying with him longer, for not saying goodbye, for everything. I went through an unbelievable mental pain. I ended up with depression and panic attacks. But eventually, I started to heal and move on.

My grandma (his wife) is 84. And today, after years of being apart, her sons and her nephews gathered together around a big table, full of laughs and stories and memories and great food. At one point, she acted like she was saying goodbye to us. Not directly, but choosing the right words. I felt that completely. And she asked just for one thing: to stay a little longer. And this time, I stayed. We stayed for 7 hours (don’t know when the time passed). And we will meet again tomorrow. If she feels like this may the end for her, I want to make sure that she is loved and cared for.

We don’t know what life has in store for us. Tomorrow is not guaranteed for anyone. So please do me a favor, guys. Next time you visit your elders, stay a little longer, and show them more love. Call them more often. You never know when it is the end. I would give years of my life for 5 more minutes with my grandfathers. But I can’t and it hurts. I took them for granted, so please don’t do the same mistake.

P.s. Love you lots, my angelsā€¦I wish you could’ve just stayed a little longer šŸ˜¦

My life is not your pit stop.

Today is one of those blue days when you feel like a robot, doing what you have to do but feeling empty. The perfect setup for the memories to resurface.The sad ones, not the good ones. It is a day when you either go back in time and be with that specific person or wish to have a superpower to erase him from your mind.

Maybe schools should have a special course about human emotions and feelings. Perhaps like this, people will understand that these are not toys but things that could damage a person for a long time, sometimes forever. You’re not a better person or more interesting if you play with someoneā€¦quite the opposite. It only shows your lack of empathy, education, self-esteem, and mental stability. I am sick of people coming into others’ life just for funā€¦or for not feeling lonely. Mate, my life is not your pit stop. If you come into my life, stay. Or do not come at all. It is that easy. Don’t make me fall for you when you have someone else or are unsure about your feelings for me. Tell me straight what you want, games are for kids, we are adults.

Dating nowadays is an absolute joke. Trusting people becomes an impossible mission, and loyalty, well, I think that loyalty slowly but surely only becomes a word in the dictionary, nothing else. You never know what a person is going through, which demons she/he has to battle. So don’t make it worse. Due to one like you, she/he may lose an amazing person because they will think that everyone is like you, so what is the point of trying again? Sort out yourself first. If you aren’t happy with yourself, no one will ever make you. Seeking validation or love from others, but having nothing to give in return, will only show how little and pathetic you are as a human. And remember that what goes around always, but always come around. Good luck with that.

There is a saying: “Use objects, not people. Love people, not objects”. We should keep this in mind.

It’s the first day of the rest of your life.

Today is the day when I give up on all the negativity in my life. And leave behind all the toxic people, drama, stupid games or negative thoughts which retained me be from fighting for my dreams. Today is the first day of the rest of my life.

Even though we don’t realize or don’t want to accept it, we do have toxic people around us. You can see them everywhere: family, friends, work. But what is most important is how you deal with them.

In my opinion, there are 3 types of toxic people:

-Narcissist: Imagine that you are dating a guy who tells you he is the best, does this and that, possess things that he doesn’t and is the perfect definition of arrogance. He wants everyone to admire him, yet he doesn’t care at all about others feeling. Is a selfish and cold person who loves to blame others for his problems. EVERY TIME.

-Mr. Know it All: Imagine being with a guy who tells you what to listen, what friends to have, what to watch and how to talk…..Is the intellectual type who believes he is the best and knows everything that suits everyone.Is the one who has a solution for everything, concerning him or not.

-Drama Queens: My last ex is exactly this type. And I think is the most toxic type. Imagine dating with a guy who always has a drama.ALWAYS.And when you try to change the topic and be more positive, the call you heartless. Throughout my relationship with him, I gave up on so many people and chances just because he made me feel so worthless. I got to the point when I was feeling his bad energy and almost be caught in his drama. And then I realized something was wrong.I broke up with him yesterday. I couldn’t carry on anymore. His reaction? He started to play the victim role and cursed and offended me big time. But at least it’s over. ENOUGH IS ENOUGH. This was the last drop.

It is time to take back my life and my dreams and move on. These toxic people made me understand that I have myself. And this is the most important. From my experience, I am telling all of you who are going through the same things: Don’t stay in a toxic relationship. RUN as far as possible. Don’t let anyone put you down. You deserve better things and people who are really able to love you. And no matter what, keep fighting for your dreams. Let today be the first day of the rest of your life.

“Drugs destroyed my life”

I needed to take some time off from everything. The past month was a huge life lesson. A lesson that thought me how a single moment can destroy your life.

How it all started ? Like this. I had a childhood friend:very nice, well-behaved guy. He was able to move the mountains for his dreams. His family situation was never Ok, but he never stopped fighting for himself and his grandma who raised him.(his parents are divorced and he loved to stay more with his grandma due to a home situation).

Our roads separated when we moved to different countries. He was working in popular restaurants and had a dream to win a cooking contest. He did it. And that was the moment which changed his life. He won an important amount of money and was having a lot of plans.The last time I met him was 4 years ago after he won it. He told me about what he wants to do further and was very happy. But after one year, he moved back in Romania and enteredĀ an entourage which literally destroyed him. He changed completely towards everyone and forgot about his hometown friends. I tried to contact him several times, with no outcome… Little we or his family knew that in his entourage, drugs were an ordinary thing šŸ˜¦

Last year, his grandma died. It was the “end” of his life and his career. During his funeral, he was on drugs, but no one knew. He attacked a beggar, but people thought it was due to his sorrow caused by the loss. His father took him home and he jumped on the window to escape. That night, he killed a woman. A stranger.He hit her with extreme aggressivity until she died… The last month was his trial. He received 10 years of prison. His last words when he said goodbye to us were”Drugs destroyed my life”

Guys, I had known and still know people dealing with drug addiction. I lost friends (took their lives) because of this. The reasons for using drugs? Mainly entourage.They don’t want to look stupid in front of their friends. Or family problems.

Please ask for help. Drugs are not healing, are destroying:dreams. lives, families, EVERYTHING. One single moment destroyed my friend’s life. Only one. He can’t remember how he hit her or how he fell asleep next to her. The only thing he remembers is that while he was drugged, he had the impression that demons are following him.

Drug addiction can be healed. In time and with specialist support, there is a way to give up. Just try. Don’t leave drugs to destroy your life too. If not for you, do for the people you love and for the dreams you have. And remember that the night is the darkest before the dawn. There is always hope.

Why do we play with feelings?

Yesterday I was with some friends celebrating a name anniversary.And we started to talk about relationships. One of the girls had a similar experience, with the difference that her guy never ever try to maintain contact with her. My ex called me first thing at midnight on New Year’s night. Acting like nothing happened. He continued to check all my Whatsapp statuses and liking everything I post on social media. Furthermore, he was one of the first people to contact me when he found out about the death of my friend.

What is it going on with him? Dumping me for his ex but being only with his friends on New Year’s party and sending me messages? I tried to answer only basic things but I wanted to ask him soo many things. It’s been more than 2 weeks but I still miss him. However,I chose to continue with no-contact strategy.

Why do we prefer to play with other’s feelings? Due to confusion? Preferring someone that we already know but running after others? Is it helping our ego to know that there are more people wanting us? In this case, he definitely doesn’t know what he wants. Or maybe he does but he is playing. It’s really stupid doing this especially to people that are really nice and don’t deserve this at all. My grandfather told me when I was a kid that the most important in a relationship is to treat your partner as you want to be treated. Love and give. Don’t expect the moon from him but from your part give everything.

But what happens when you give everything and not receive the same? Is it enough for a person to love and care for 2? Is it fair for someone to don’t receive everything from his/her partner just because they are a couple?

We all deserve to love and be loved. To be cared for and appreciated. I have learned that I am just losing my time waiting for someone who will never give me 100%. There are 7+ billion people in this world. Our soul-mate is definitely somewhere. Be patient and hope. And love those who really matter.

mahatmagandhi1

A “love” gone like a wave.

“Hey! How did you find me?”. This is how the first text from him sounded. Did it ever happen to you to be at the right time in the right place? I don’t know what was: luck, destiny or just something it was supposed to happen. But I found him. After I gave up on my job, I have decided to come back to my country and take my parents on a holiday. I just needed to spend some time with them. And we went to places where we’ve never been before. We were exhausted after almost an entire day of driving and decided to find asap a place to sleep and eat. And we went to the place where I met him. He came with his relatives after we checked-in. The moment I saw him I had the feeling I have known him for a long time. We shared the same house for 3 days and talked just basic things.Ā  We continued our journey but I couldn’t stop thinking of him. And one morning, when I was checking FB, I saw him on friends suggestions!!! I was sooo happy but at the same time confused if I should add him or not. I did it in the end. And then it all started.

After that first text, we continued to talk for hours. Everyday. He started to tell me about his life , family and work. I was falling asleep and woke up daily with texts from him. We got to the point when he told me he adores me. And started to make plans,even though between us there was a distance of almost 800 km. He wanted to come for Christmas and see me and arrange our first holiday for February. I’ve been honest with him from the beginning and explained that my dream is to go back abroad and further develop my career in the hospitality industry. He was Ok with it and even said that we can go together if everything goes fine between us. I started to have feelings for him and I was sure that he had feelings for me too.

Unfortunately, his mother had a health problem and we had to give up on our Christmas plans. And then he started to change. He became colder, more stressed, busier but he kept texting/calling me anytime he could. I was next to him and comforted him as mucj as possible.Until one day. Last Friday, I have received his morning text and by midday when he called me, I felt something was wrong. He tried to assure me he is fine but I know his voice when he is not. Eventually, we talked on Monday and told me he didn’t contact me anymore because he was busy and angry but nothing related to me. Then he disappeared again. And this time for good. He keeps checking everything I post on Whatsapp but that’s it. Totally ghosted.

I’m still asking myself if anything he said was true?Why he didn’t have the balls to be honest ? I’ve sent him a text and he quickly answered but nothing else. It hurts but at the same time irritates me his attitude. In the end I suppose it’s just another life lesson and the best thing I can do is move on. But I still miss the conversations with him.