“My parents are living my life”

Hello again. Tonight, my best friend, asked me to write her story. It is a true life story about the way that her parents are trying to live her life. Unfortunately,she is not the first or the last one to go through this but she just wanted to share her story with you.

I will call her B. B is a 27 years old, great, loving person. She would move the mountains for the ones she loves and is always there for whoever needs her help. But she has manipulative, controlling parents. Especially her mother.

But let’s start with the beginning. This thing started in childhood, when what she was doing was never enough. She was always told that her colleagues are better and that she would never achieve what the others do, as she is lazy and stupid. Her mother was monitoring her all the time, the only time being left alone being when she was at her grandparents. This continued as a teenager, when she was considered a freak by her colleagues and left outside. She had to deal with weight problems and although told her mother to look for help, the only answer received was”they will love you the way you are”. She wasn’t allowed to use make-up when going to high-school or go outside with her friends, without receiving calls from her mom. Parties or club??No freaking way. B went into a heavy depression, thinking of taking her life several times. But always she found a way to fight the demons and move on. When she was 19, she decided to move abroad and study. This was the beginning of her own life. Or at least this is what she thought. Her parents became even more controlling and manipulative. Her mother didn’t let her work and paid for her studies and everything else. But B had to give an explanation for everything she did. If she was liking a guy and her mother didn’t, she was supposed to break up with him. And she always did what they wanted as she loved them and wanted to make them happy and proud of her.

She finished uni, got a job, been on her own money, but the manipulation didn’t stop. When she was coming on holidays, her parents were making her believe that what she was doing was wrong, all her friends were wrong and they knew better what suits B the best. She gave up on her job abroad because of them,left her friends and everyone there and came back to Romania last year. She moved to her parents place and the hell began again. Whenever in public or with friends, her mother was interfering and telling her what she says or does is not good. B fell in love with a guy she thought was the one..I have never seen her so in love. She was radiating happiness. Until one day when her father told her that she must cut the communication with that guy as he is not good enough for her… She was distraught….she tried to hide it from that guy but changed towards him until one day when he broke up with her. It’s been 3 months since then and she is still in depression and not able to move on. Her parents were happy of getting rid of that guy while she was dying inside:( . Due to the manipulation from childhood and teenager period, she couldn’t have sex with anyone. Her therapist said that this is a blockage due to her parents reaction.

I saw her today.She is at the end of her powers. She feels full of regrets and is looking to leave the country. And thinking of no coming back. She is afraid that if she stays in Romania, her parents may come whenever they want….and breaking her life again. She was crying when asked me to write this…:(

She wants a family and someone to love and feel loved as I have never seen in my life. But she is scared….what if the guy will leave her again?? what if she won’t be a good parent??

Why would you do this as a parent???? She is lost, she feels hopeless, worthless and empty. And her parents are not helping her at all ….but the opposite. They are accusing her that she did a university on their money and now she can’t find a suitable job.

I really wish her all the best and to be able to be happy. She deserves it. But we both want to find out your opinion too. Especially from those who’ve been through this type of situation.

Why are parents trying to live children’s life??? Destroying their lives just because they want them to be puppets??? What for?? Something that they didn’t have in their life?? Frustration? Because I don’t think this is a normal behavior. Even though she is the only child, her parents should understand she is mature enough to move on with her life and stop living her life.

 

“Drugs destroyed my life”

I needed to take some time off from everything. The past month was a huge life lesson. A lesson that thought me how a single moment can destroy your life.

How it all started ? Like this. I had a childhood friend:very nice, well-behaved guy. He was able to move the mountains for his dreams. His family situation was never Ok, but he never stopped fighting for himself and his grandma who raised him.(his parents are divorced and he loved to stay more with his grandma due to a home situation).

Our roads separated when we moved to different countries. He was working in popular restaurants and had a dream to win a cooking contest. He did it. And that was the moment which changed his life. He won an important amount of money and was having a lot of plans.The last time I met him was 4 years ago after he won it. He told me about what he wants to do further and was very happy. But after one year, he moved back in Romania and entered an entourage which literally destroyed him. He changed completely towards everyone and forgot about his hometown friends. I tried to contact him several times, with no outcome… Little we or his family knew that in his entourage, drugs were an ordinary thing đŸ˜¦

Last year, his grandma died. It was the “end” of his life and his career. During his funeral, he was on drugs, but no one knew. He attacked a beggar, but people thought it was due to his sorrow caused by the loss. His father took him home and he jumped on the window to escape. That night, he killed a woman. A stranger.He hit her with extreme aggressivity until she died… The last month was his trial. He received 10 years of prison. His last words when he said goodbye to us were”Drugs destroyed my life”

Guys, I had known and still know people dealing with drug addiction. I lost friends (took their lives) because of this. The reasons for using drugs? Mainly entourage.They don’t want to look stupid in front of their friends. Or family problems.

Please ask for help. Drugs are not healing, are destroying:dreams. lives, families, EVERYTHING. One single moment destroyed my friend’s life. Only one. He can’t remember how he hit her or how he fell asleep next to her. The only thing he remembers is that while he was drugged, he had the impression that demons are following him.

Drug addiction can be healed. In time and with specialist support, there is a way to give up. Just try. Don’t leave drugs to destroy your life too. If not for you, do for the people you love and for the dreams you have. And remember that the night is the darkest before the dawn. There is always hope.

What will people say?

Choices. Every day you must choose: from basic things (food,clothes ,etc) to major decisions. Sometimes is easy, sometimes is not. There are times when a choice can forever affect your life. Especially those made to please the others.

I.personally made some bad choices throughout my life.I had moments when I wanted to give up on everything :including my life.Then I realised that the only one who can change anything is me. Sometimes it seems we only have two choices:to choose the easy way or to give up. No efforts, no middle way,nothing. This giving up thing and the easy way are only results of our low self-confidence. We don’t trust ourselves. And most of the time, I hear “what will people say if I do that/love that person?” For 20 years, I lived with this . Gave up on people I loved and on my dreams because the ones around me were controlling my life and decided for me. Up to a point.

We must wake up and understand that we only have one life. The world is not taking care of us, be with us when we feel alone. It’s in our power to draw the lines of our life the way we want. Our parents lived their life the way they wanted. Times are changing. We are changing.Stand up for yourself and live the life you always dreamed of. Let the people talk, they will never shut up. But your own happiness and your true love is a one-way only ticket. If you lose it, it won’t come back.

So what do you choose? Live with the world? Care about what will they say? Or be happy?

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If tomorrow never comes.

One of the best things about working in the hospitality industry is that you get to know people. Not only customers. They are coming and going. But you get to work in a team that if you are lucky enough can become like your family.

I had the chance to be part of 2 amazing teams. With most of my ex-colleagues I am still afriend and talk anytime we have the chance. During my last job, I had the opportunity to meet one of the nicest and funniest people ever. His name was Paul. I have never , ever seen him angry or sad. Or saying no to helping others. He was always there, anytime we were calling him he was coming and help. I’ve been blessed to work many shifts together and he taught me a lot of things. Both personal and professional. Such a lovely, funny and smiley person. Last time I talked to him was a couple months ago. He was happy, telling me about his family. His wife, children and granddaughter were his weak point. He was absolutely over heels when was talking about them.

Last night, I have received a message. It was from one of my ex-colleagues. “Paul went for a run and suffered a heart attack. He died” . WHATTTTT????????? Whooooo?????? I didn’t believe it for a second. I called my ex-manager. She was crying. Paul was dead. Our lovely man is not with us anymore. At that moment I hated myself. I have said so many times that I will call him or at least text to check on him. But always something came up and forgot about it. Now I can’t call him anymore…

The same happened with one of my grandfathers few years ago. I was getting ready to fly back abroad, as the holiday was over and had to get back to uni. I quickly went to say goodbye to him and my grandmother. Although he asked me to stay a little longer, that day I didn’t do it. I told him I was going to see him in the next holiday. Kissed and hugged both of them and went home. Didn’t think about it anymore. 2 weeks later, I dreamed of him. He was saying goodbye. The next morning he was found dead in the hospital. I didn’t have the chance to attend his funeral and say goodbye. 7 years later, I still feel guilty and it hurts that in that day I didn’t stay longer. Regrets are worthless now. It won’t bring anyone back.

The aim of this is to understand that we should appreciate more the people we have next to us. Call them more often, text and see how are they doing. Value them more when they are alive and not regretting after. It is enough a moment. To lose all. Maybe they are now in a better place. But we are left with wounds. Some goes with the time .Others stay there forever.

But what if tomorrow never comes?

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