Hello!! I hope you are all well and enjoying this time. As we have 5 days left this year, I wanted to share a lesson with you. How expectations create a toxic environment and affect our lives.
How many times in this life you didn’t expect someone to do something? It doesn’t matter if personally or professionally, but it is in our human nature to do so. What we don’t understand is that expectations are seriously affecting our mental health as most of them are not achievable. The worst part comes when you are in a relationship, and you expect so many things from your partner that you forget to differentiate imaginary from reality.
Just because you are kind to people, or show care and love, it doesn’t mean that they feel the same. Unfortunately, nowadays, people are nice to you as long as they can get what they want from you. After, they will treat you as you never existed in their lives. Stop believing that expecting something from someone will automatically become reality. People behave as they want, regardless of how you feel about it. However, in the long term run, you may suffer a lot. More than you can believe. When you stop expecting, you start realizing a person’s true colors. You want to be good and help? Go ahead. But don’t expect something in return. Some people have absolutely nothing to give(and I am not talking about financial stuff). Some know only to receive, never to give.
I learned this the hard way. I had expectations from people that I would have given me life for. Guess what? They turned up to be the worst people in my life. And people that I didn’t expect anything from, ended up being very important in my life. Do you want to expect something from someone? Then raise your expectations from yourself. Have more expectations from yourself as a person, professional, friend, everything. The biggest expectation that you should have in this life is to improve your life by believing more that you can do anything you want. Don’t expect changes or love or care or anything from others. Do it with yourself first. And you will see the difference. Love you all! 🙂
For a very long period, I refused to believe this. When people are looking at you and treat you as a failure, your first reaction is to see only the dark side. No lights at the end, no stars, nothing. Plain darkness.
Have you ever been in a situation when you feel like you have no option, life purpose or hope? A moment when you feel like your life is ending although you are still young? Well, it happens to most of us at some point in our lives, even though we want to admit it or not. And having people judging or leaving you when you need them the most is not helping too much.
When you are unemployed for a long period (1 year+) due to various reasons, people don’t want to listen to your story but treat you as if you deserve anything good. As if you are a wreck. This includes family. It is awful to hear from you blood-related people remarks like: ” Oh noo. This is the end of your life.no one will hire you now. You lost it all”.Not even a cheering phrase or a good word. Nothing.
And then you have 2 choices: give up or move on and see what life has for you. In my case,I’ve decided to isolate myself from those toxic people and look for support and help in strangers. And I managed somehow to see a light. It is still a long way to go, but at least I am slowly moving. I started another blog (travel one), I am doing new courses and developing myself both personally and professionally, and helping others who were in my situation. More than my closest friends and my parents, no one knows what I am doing, because I stopped giving an explanation to anyone.
I had strangers helping me more than my own family. And I fought so much with myself that I am finally proud of myself. Life goes on, but you can’t ever forget who was truly next to you when you needed them. Those who believed in you, when you were at your lowest point.Family isn’t always blood.Family is made by those who truly love and care about you.
And remember that no matter what you are going through at the moment, there will always be a light at the “end of the tunnel”. And that the darkest hour is just before the dawn.
Happy New Year lovely people!!!! I hope you will have a fantastic 2020, full of happiness and wishes fulfilled 🙂
“How was 2019 for you?” It is the question that I hear it since the year finished. And most of the answers are: “hard, nightmare, horrible”. Very few answers :”great, amazing, good”.
In my opinion, 2019 was a decisive year. A year of transformation. At least for myself. I started it with depression and I thought that it will be the end. It wasn’t. 2019 taught me how to raise and work to pull myself together. I lost and let people go out of my life: together or temporary. From priest to online help finder, I did everything to help me get an answer to what was wrong with me and why did I feel that way. A depressive girl in January ended up being the woman who helped others in December.
Regaining balance was the best thing 2019 taught me. And developing myself. I almost lost my grandma in July and that was a wake-up call. I started to get closer to the family, appreciate more the people around me and find out who was truly there for me. The transformation was going on, becoming stronger and with more lessons to get through. I stopped being the people pleaser, chose very carefully my entourage and started to fight for my dreams.
December was my final test. The man who a year ago, left me on Christmas day, got married. And then is when I finally understood that I was healed because I felt nothing at all. The winter holidays were the best in the last 7 years. Full of joy, love and happiness. The new me was there.
Looking back, 2019 was a beautiful nightmare. A roller-coaster that took me all over the places that I needed to improve and further develop myself. It was the year to gain back my friends and family. I hope that this one will be better and that I finally get everything back on track. Step by step.
And the most important thing: I want to say a huge THANK YOU to all of you who are reading my posts and are part of Yanny’s Journey. I love you and wish you all the best!! 🙂
Today is the day when I give up on all the negativity in my life. And leave behind all the toxic people, drama, stupid games or negative thoughts which retained me be from fighting for my dreams. Today is the first day of the rest of my life.
Even though we don’t realize or don’t want to accept it, we do have toxic people around us. You can see them everywhere: family, friends, work. But what is most important is how you deal with them.
In my opinion, there are 3 types of toxic people:
-Narcissist: Imagine that you are dating a guy who tells you he is the best, does this and that, possess things that he doesn’t and is the perfect definition of arrogance. He wants everyone to admire him, yet he doesn’t care at all about others feeling. Is a selfish and cold person who loves to blame others for his problems. EVERY TIME.
-Mr. Know it All: Imagine being with a guy who tells you what to listen, what friends to have, what to watch and how to talk…..Is the intellectual type who believes he is the best and knows everything that suits everyone.Is the one who has a solution for everything, concerning him or not.
-Drama Queens: My last ex is exactly this type. And I think is the most toxic type. Imagine dating with a guy who always has a drama.ALWAYS.And when you try to change the topic and be more positive, the call you heartless. Throughout my relationship with him, I gave up on so many people and chances just because he made me feel so worthless. I got to the point when I was feeling his bad energy and almost be caught in his drama. And then I realized something was wrong.I broke up with him yesterday. I couldn’t carry on anymore. His reaction? He started to play the victim role and cursed and offended me big time. But at least it’s over. ENOUGH IS ENOUGH. This was the last drop.
It is time to take back my life and my dreams and move on. These toxic people made me understand that I have myself. And this is the most important. From my experience, I am telling all of you who are going through the same things: Don’t stay in a toxic relationship. RUN as far as possible. Don’t let anyone put you down. You deserve better things and people who are really able to love you. And no matter what, keep fighting for your dreams. Let today be the first day of the rest of your life.
One of the best things about working in the hospitality industry is that you get to know people. Not only customers. They are coming and going. But you get to work in a team that if you are lucky enough can become like your family.
I had the chance to be part of 2 amazing teams. With most of my ex-colleagues I am still afriend and talk anytime we have the chance. During my last job, I had the opportunity to meet one of the nicest and funniest people ever. His name was Paul. I have never , ever seen him angry or sad. Or saying no to helping others. He was always there, anytime we were calling him he was coming and help. I’ve been blessed to work many shifts together and he taught me a lot of things. Both personal and professional. Such a lovely, funny and smiley person. Last time I talked to him was a couple months ago. He was happy, telling me about his family. His wife, children and granddaughter were his weak point. He was absolutely over heels when was talking about them.
Last night, I have received a message. It was from one of my ex-colleagues. “Paul went for a run and suffered a heart attack. He died” . WHATTTTT????????? Whooooo?????? I didn’t believe it for a second. I called my ex-manager. She was crying. Paul was dead. Our lovely man is not with us anymore. At that moment I hated myself. I have said so many times that I will call him or at least text to check on him. But always something came up and forgot about it. Now I can’t call him anymore…
The same happened with one of my grandfathers few years ago. I was getting ready to fly back abroad, as the holiday was over and had to get back to uni. I quickly went to say goodbye to him and my grandmother. Although he asked me to stay a little longer, that day I didn’t do it. I told him I was going to see him in the next holiday. Kissed and hugged both of them and went home. Didn’t think about it anymore. 2 weeks later, I dreamed of him. He was saying goodbye. The next morning he was found dead in the hospital. I didn’t have the chance to attend his funeral and say goodbye. 7 years later, I still feel guilty and it hurts that in that day I didn’t stay longer. Regrets are worthless now. It won’t bring anyone back.
The aim of this is to understand that we should appreciate more the people we have next to us. Call them more often, text and see how are they doing. Value them more when they are alive and not regretting after. It is enough a moment. To lose all. Maybe they are now in a better place. But we are left with wounds. Some goes with the time .Others stay there forever.
But what if tomorrow never comes?
Today is about one of the greatest lessons someone can learn and that is to stop running and take responsibility for his/her actions. Nowadays, we are so used to take a short way and run if we feel something is too much that we forget how to face the ugly when it comes and maintain the human relationships. We are getting used to this since we are kids. In order to avoid being in trouble and receiving punishment, we prefer to act as nothing happened and throw the guilt on someone else. Then , when we become adults, we keep the same template: job mistake ? not me…. failure? not me…. relationship not working? his/her fault.Not mine. It’s never us. Instead of understanding our faults and trying to deal with them, we choose to be the victims and wait for someone else’s support.
If people would understand to communicate and be more caring towards each other, this world would be a way better place to live. In my country, there is a saying : “No matter what,always leave room for hello”. How it would be if instead of leaving a person who truly loves us because of stupid things, we would try to find a solution and trying to make the relationship work and not replacing that person immediately “just because it didn’t work”? Or if we would understand that maybe we were wrong with our friends and having the courage to sorting it? Why do we lose important people in our life because of stupid things and running from responsibilities? Is it human nature?Education? Fear of not hurting the others?
Maybe one day we will change. Or we will learn from our mistakes. But what if we lose those people for good? What if is it too late and no turning back? We should appreciate and fight for everything we have . Don’t let people who truly love and care for you go. Stay, listen and talk. Do things together. Dream and make plans. Love and be loved. Because is the most beautiful thing it can happen to you.