A challenge to change

Hello! My last post was a kind of a wake-up call. Something was completely wrong. So a call to action was required. For 30 days I challenge myself to change. I was on a webinar with Michael Beckwith a while ago and he said something like: ” your biggest enemy is the control. The moment that you understand that the only thing you can control is yourself, then your life will improve.”.

With or without realizing it, every day we are trying to gain control over things, people, events, anything. Well, guess what. This is just a fake assumption. I had a period when I was a control freak. You can’t imagine how much I was fighting to control every single little thing of my life until, in the end, I failed. And then I understood that I have to surrender and give it up. Because, in reality, you can’t control anything more than your mind and body. My last post was somehow trying to show that when you try to control/influence someone’s life, the only outcome you can get is losing that person or causing huge damage for nothing. For example, I want that person back, but this doesn’t mean that I can make him come or decide on his feelings.

This challenge is just the beginning. The warming. But for 30 days, I will put myself first and start to work on every aspect of my life, starting with the most important: mental health and wellbeing. If 2020 was the year of mental transformation, 2021 is the year of personal development. So bring it on!

“My childhood is a nightmare”

Hello!! I hope you are all well and safe. Since I was a teenager I volunteered for children from poor families. But since the pandemic started, I choose to extend it to children from normal families and teenagers who need advice or just someone who listens to them.

And there is a little boy, very well behaved but who always seems sad and uncomfortable. And before the holidays, I asked him to write a letter about how he feels about being a 9 years old child. And what he wrote left me speechless. From phrases like:” I just want a normal childhood cause mine is a nightmare”, to “my parents don’t let me play because they think my education is more important” or ” when my friends are going on trips or spending fun time together, I have to go to my piano and dance courses, which I hate”. And one of the things that shocked me the most was:” I truly want a pet, but my parents won’t even let me touch an animal, because they think it is a hazard for my health and safety”. Really?

Can someone please explain to me when society changed so much? I am 28, but I still can’t keep up with these changes. Like since when tablets, phones, and all the personal development courses replaced the actual childhood? My little cousin is only four years old and he is only interested in his tablet. Ask him to play like a normal child, and he gets lost. He is in his virtual world. What about that old childhood with games, friendships, and stuff? Since when it is normal to be scared of a pet instead of loving it just because your parents claim it is a health and safety hazard?

Let the children discover, explore, live their childhood. I understand that times changed, but we were children too. I was allowed to stay and play as long as I kept in mind that education was a priority. I was raised with animals (all type of animals), just because my parents and grandparents thought that it was important to develop my skills in any situation. I have bruises, scars, and memories for a lifetime. And friends from my childhood too. But I don’t regret a second, as I would do it all over again. Listen more to your kids’ dreams and necessities. Their childhood is not coming back. And they will grow up with frustrations and regrets for the lost time.

Have a fantastic Tuesday 🙂

Top 5 lessons of 2020

Hellooo! As the year is over, I was thinking of pointing out the top 5 lessons of 2020 and how this year pushed our limits, broke the wall, and obliged us to change. So let’s start:

  1. You can do anything you want: How many times weren’t you unsure about doing a certain thing or what will people think about it? Well, DO IT. It’s your life, not theirs. Learn, read, do a course, develop yourself. Anything that can help you improve your life and you as a person. Stop telling people about your dreams, work for them, and show the results afterwards. 
  2. Life changes in a second: Life doesn’t wait for us to decide if we are ready to do something or not. Sometimes it forces us to do so. How? Who knows? For example, I always wanted to work in hotels. And I did until the pandemic when everything closed. I am sure that things for hotels will not be back to normal soon, so I had to change the direction of my career. I learned about subjects that I never thought of as a possible money maker. From a duty manager in hotels before the pandemic, I ended up being a writer and content creator. And I am still learning to increase my chances in this new domain. So don’t take anything for granted
  3. Put yourself first: Who you truly are? What are your dreams? What do you want from life? Stop seeking validation and have expectations from others. Look in the mirror and see who you are not who others think you are. Stop putting yourself last and others first. Show yourself more love and care and you will see the difference.
  4. People always show their true colors: Even if you want or not. Some people will appear in your life for a reason, a season or to be by your side no matter what. Although the last category is extremely rare nowadays, they do exist. But the first category is the worst: are those people who turn up in your life for getting what they can from you and afterward disappear. The type of people who have absolutely nothing to give, only to receive. If someone wants to leave your life, open the door. Don’t force/beg anyone to stay. Who is supposed to stay will do without you asking for it. Last year I was thanking God for bringing in my life people that I thought were the best for me , while in reality, they were worse than enemies. So pay attention to who are you calling lovers, friends, family, and so on. Not always they are who you think.
  5. Be grateful, love, and live the moment: Be grateful for who you are and what you have. Love as much as you can, show love to people who need it the most. Be nicer and help whenever you can. You never know what the person next to you is going through. Live the moment: stop waiting for tomorrow, a week, month, or year to be happy. Happiness comes from inside, not outside. If you are not happy with yourself, you won’t be able to make or be happy with anyone else.

Happy Sunday everybody!! 🙂

Expectations vs reality

Hello!! I hope you are all well and enjoying this time. As we have 5 days left this year, I wanted to share a lesson with you. How expectations create a toxic environment and affect our lives.

How many times in this life you didn’t expect someone to do something? It doesn’t matter if personally or professionally, but it is in our human nature to do so. What we don’t understand is that expectations are seriously affecting our mental health as most of them are not achievable. The worst part comes when you are in a relationship, and you expect so many things from your partner that you forget to differentiate imaginary from reality.

Just because you are kind to people, or show care and love, it doesn’t mean that they feel the same. Unfortunately, nowadays, people are nice to you as long as they can get what they want from you. After, they will treat you as you never existed in their lives. Stop believing that expecting something from someone will automatically become reality. People behave as they want, regardless of how you feel about it. However, in the long term run, you may suffer a lot. More than you can believe. When you stop expecting, you start realizing a person’s true colors. You want to be good and help? Go ahead. But don’t expect something in return. Some people have absolutely nothing to give(and I am not talking about financial stuff). Some know only to receive, never to give.

I learned this the hard way. I had expectations from people that I would have given me life for. Guess what? They turned up to be the worst people in my life. And people that I didn’t expect anything from, ended up being very important in my life. Do you want to expect something from someone? Then raise your expectations from yourself. Have more expectations from yourself as a person, professional, friend, everything. The biggest expectation that you should have in this life is to improve your life by believing more that you can do anything you want. Don’t expect changes or love or care or anything from others. Do it with yourself first. And you will see the difference. Love you all! 🙂

The story of an orange.

And nope, I am not crazy 🙂 Just wait for it. Today is a personal post, but it is a lesson that changed my personality.

I grew up in a family with strong values and traditions. But being the first baby in the family, everyone spoiled me. And it was good up to a point. I got used to receive what I wanted, and no matter what, everything was turning in my favor. And this made me an impossible child. A rude, selfish one. Until one day when my grandfather had enough and decided to give me a lesson. It was December 2001, and that year was awful. My grandfather died in January (my mom’s father) and I didn’t know how to cope with it. Everyone showed me so much love and care and satisfied all my needs that I lost control. I was 7 years old and that December was the first one without my father (who was abroad working) and my grandfather(who has been one of my favorite family members.

So, on Saint Nicholas day (on the night of 6th of December, we put our shoes and wait for sweets), I slept at my grandparents (father’s parents) place and waited for my presents. But guess what? I received only one ORANGE. And a letter. It said something like ” You must understand that love is not about how many or how expensive are things you receive. It is time for you to understand to be grateful for all the things you have and learn to share with others. You are loved and cared for. Happy holidays! “. I remember that I cried like a baby cause I was so disappointed. I got ready, went to the church with my grandparents, and there was a little girl. I remember like it was yesterday. A younger girl, poorly dressed, holding a dirty doll in her hand. And she asked for food. And as that day, everyone was giving food for the dead ones, my grandma had oranges and cookies and sweets with her too. So she asked me to give that girl a package. I swear that never in my life I saw someone being so happy for an orange. She ate it immediately with such happiness on her face.

I went home and looked at that orange that I received. And my grandpa told me:” As long as you have what to eat and someone who you can share with, you are blessed”. And since that year, every year I wait for my orange. I can receive anything, but an orange as a gift became a tradition.” Years later, I found out that my grandpa was the one who wrote the letter. And I loved him even more for that.

Be grateful for what you have. Someone may only dream about it. And if you have the chance to share it with anyone, do it. It may not change the world, but it makes you a better person and your soul a little happier :)Love you all!

A promise made to myself

Hello beautiful people!! I hope you’re all good and enjoying Sunday. As I am still in my weekend mood, I was thinking of sharing with you something that not only changed my life but myself too…completely.

Two years ago, I was a very different person. Mentally, spiritually, in any way, you could imagine. I was the one there for everyone, at any time, without expecting anything in return. A type of person who was a people pleaser, who was leaving her worth being defined by others opinion. I was afraid of pursuing my dreams because failure would have been a disaster for my family. (not my parents, my family). My parents have always been my biggest support but as stupid as I was, I was never listening to their pieces of advice, always putting others above them. But as karma proved that it is either my best friend or my worst enemy, gave me the lesson of my life.

Before starting the blog, I was at the edge of my life. Due to a toxic decision and being influenced by people with “goodwill” that I thought was caring for me, I almost lost everything: parents, friends, even myself. The 6th of December was the night that started my positive movement. For the first time in my life, no one knew my plans, my hopes, my moves, anything. Except for my parents. And my dog:)

On the 25th of December 2018, I suffered the worst disappointment of my life. And that night, the old me died. And guess what? The people who influenced me were either accusing me or disappearing totally. The only people who were by my side were my parents and some people that I would never think of, which in the meantime became my best friends. That was the moment when I made a promise to myself. No matter how hard things will be, as long as I have myself, my parents, my dog, and true friends, I can move mountains. And I did it. In 2 years I learned and developed myself more than I did in 26. I am in the happiest place of my life, surrounded by people who care and love me. People who are sharing my values, dreams, and hopes. Who are there not only when I am good, but also when I struggle. And the most important thing, I found myself. I learned how to love myself and put my needs first. To stop letting anyone else’s opinion affecting me as long as it is not constructive.

Two years taught me two crucial things: that family is not always blood, and if you really want something, then the sky is the limit. You can do whatever you want. Just believe in yourself and the magic of new beginnings.

Wishing you all a great Sunday:)

Nothing is guaranteed

Hello! I was talking to a friend today about the plans that he had this year: was supposed to get married, go abroad for his honeymoon, was nominated for a promotion at work. Seemed like he will have a great year ahead. What he didn’t know was that in reality, his life had other plans and will completely reset. Lost his job, his fiancee called off the wedding instead of postponing, and he had to take everything from 0.

We usually tend to make plans in advance. To schedule our lives for the next 3,5, even 10 years. But who guarantees us this time? Who has the certainty that life won’t play with us in a way that we will have to go back to level 1? How many times you didn’t tell yourself:” Oh, in 5 years I will have the home of my dreams” or ” I will be truly happy if I will have a great car soon?” or “I want to learn this, but I will postpone it for another time as I am not ready now?”

I, personally, wished this year to go to work in a hotel in Lapland. Did it happen? Nope. Due to this virus, I didn’t only have to give up on my hospitality career but also do courses to change the course of my life. If you would have asked me in June how I was, my answer would be: in love with a good guy and hoping for a lasting relationship. How am I now? Single and happy with my personal development.

You never know when it’s the last discussion, last kiss, or last night with someone. You can’t take anything for granted. Everything and everyone changes, including us. We have to keep the rhythm with life. Life doesn’t wait for us, and instead of regretting what we lost, just live in the moment and take as much as you can from it.

Make it a December to remember

First of December…I can’t believe how fast this year passed. Winter, Christmas, and New Year. Since I was a child I love this month. It has a special vibe, something that makes you more hopeful and positive. A time of joy, presents, snow, parties… happy times.

This December is special. This year, December will be more powerful. Why? Because it is the end of a crazy year and the holidays will be like never before. Maybe this year, we will appreciate more the time spent with our loved ones and be more grateful that we are safe and sound. Every year, in my hometown ( a small one), the 1st of December was a holiday. The Christmas lights were on, a concert was organized and you could see happy people all around the town. Tonight, while I was outside with my dog for his evening walk, everything was so empty. Silence everywhere, only a few people rushing on the streets. Only the Christmas lights were showing that it’s the winter holiday season. This should be a wake-up call and stop taking everything for granted. Everything can change at any time and if we don’t appreciate what we have at the right moment, we may regret it later.

These holidays will be different. But this doesn’t mean that we can’t make it a December to remember…

We dream, we hope, we pray for better days.

This is a lyric from Faydee’s song “Better days”. A song that somehow describes this year. How many times you didn’t hear this year things like: “We hope for better”, “2020 should be canceled”, “worst year ever”? Let’s take a moment and think. For each of us, this year was a huge challenge. No one will say otherwise. We are all survivors of a pandemic. Nobody knew what this is or how to deal with it. But stop for a moment and breathe. Take a deep breath and look behind.

Take the pandemic aside and look at every month and how it affected your life. Some of you may have lost someone, a job, a relationship, whatever. But now you are reading this. You are stronger than you can imagine, and I am so proud of you. You did it. It is almost December, and 2020 is only 33 days away from ending.

To be honest, 2020 was a rebirth. A reset to the “factory settings”. We were too hurried, too focused on stupid things. 2020 was a lesson. A hard pill to swallow, but something that believe it or not changed us completely.

It proved that tomorrow is not guaranteed, that expensive possessions mean nothing if you don’t have where to show them, and that the people we treated as ordinary played the most crucial role in the pandemic. It showed the true colors of people, proved that family is not always blood and that you can have everything you can imagine. If you are not healthy, it means nothing. In my opinion, life after a pandemic will never be the same as before. Because there is a new version of everyone right now. Society is continually changing.

What will be next, no one can say. The only thing we can do is to dream, hope, and pray for better days. Love you all! 🙂

Don’t look for the good, search for the real.

” I no longer look for the good in people, I search for the real… because while good is often dressed in fake clothing, real is naked and proud no matter the scars”. (Chishala Lishomwa). This is the quote of the day. And unfortunately, a quote that applies in life too much.

The majority of us have been raised with the idea of looking for the good in people. My grandma was telling me as a child that no matter what, I always must see the good in people. Up to a point, it worked, but life proved me the opposite. Don’t get me wrong, I am not saying that is not OK to do it. I am just saying that we should look for the true colors in people. Not only good or bad sides. For example, some people will only try to show you their good side and hide their bad or viceversa.

When you look only for the good, you miss the real. Your brain creates a perfect image of that specific person and when they will prove you wrong, it’s you who will suffer. Let them unfold, show their true feelings and emotions. Listen and watch. Acknowledge the red flags and what your gut has to say about them.

To be more specific, a couple of years ago I fell in love with a guy… excuse me…with the “good” in a guy. I was so happy with what I thought he was;he was showing me his good side. The ones around me saw the real him. When he showed me the real side, I was horrified. Believe me, nothing good. At all. On the other side, this experience made me pay more attention to people and my attachment to them. I lost a few more due to poker faces. But guess what? Looking for the real helped me develop more deep and insightful relationships, positive and healthy friendships and an increased self-esteem.

We should be more raw,vulnerable, REAL. We can all pretend that we’re good people, but not everyone is true.

Love you all and have a fantastic day !:)