Tag: life lessons

Be happy with yourself

Nobody can make you happy until you are happy with  yourself first. It is one of the most important lessons a woman needs to learn. This year taught me this the hardest way. I always was one of those people who care more about the needs of others and loved people more than myself.

I’ve always put myself in the last position, just to make sure that the ones around me are good. Little thing I knew that I was slowly, but surely losing myself. I got up to the point where I was exhausted, with a huge need for a break from reality. There were some problems and when I needed help, I realized that some of the people I was always there for, completely disappeared or told me that they have better things to do. That was the wake-up call. As a people pleaser, always seeking validation and attention from others, I decided it was time for a break. I felt empty, with no purpose in life, feeling like no people were caring or loving me. It was just me, myself and I.

I stayed in the darkness (mental darkness) for like 4 days. Refusing to get out of my room, sleeping and thinking. And one morning, I woke up and was like: it is time to care for myself. And the most important thing…..learn to love me again. I started to read, get involved in volunteering, do the things I loved the most. I even did a course that I wanted for years, but every time I was finding excuses to don’t. Done all the changes that I was craving for, but been too afraid to do them due to what people would say.

It’s been 2 months since I took that decision. And I frankly tell you that I am changed. It seems like the one I was at the beginning of the year, compared to the one I am now, is like 2 different persons in the same body. I don’t care about what others have to say, I don’t settle for less anymore, what I receive is what I give. I had people telling me (some of those who left me when I needed them the most) that they miss the old me as I was always there for them.

For all of you who are reading this and are in a similar situation, don’t ever leave yourself in second place. Your family, lover or friends can give you advice but it’s your decision on what you do with your life. Don’t live the life others want you to, live the life that makes you happy.

Keep going for your dreams, become the person you want and keep next to you only those who proved they are genuine. And never forget: You are the only RESPONSIBLE for your happiness. Look in the mirror and you will see the person that will always be there for you….and then you will realize your real value.

Who we are really?

“Who are you?”. One of the questions that we have to deal with, every day. It’s easy to answer it just with a name, but deep inside, who are you?

Nowadays, people wear masks. To pretend to be someone else or to hide things from other people. It is in human nature to try to be better than the one next to us or possessing more things than others. But we forget the essence. Slowly, but surely, we forget ourselves. It is a pattern that each one of us hears since childhood: go to school, get a job, get married, have children and die. No one is asking us what we want. What we truly want.

I absolutely hate questions like:”Oh, you are 27 and still not married?”, “When will you get pregnant?”. Why is this your problem?? The society nowadays is so focused on labels and fake conclusions that is unbelievable. It’s not ok to be fat, slim, divorced, gay, single, unemployed, or God knows what else. Don’t judge before knowing the person. You don’t know what is on her plate.

I see girls in 20s, with no dreams at all, only wanting to marry rich guys so they can make fun of their poorer friends…….. Or women staying in toxic relationships just because of what would people say. And men who believe that they are in the Middle Ages and treat women like slaves. Ummmmm….times changes.

We are stuck in a generation where loyalty is just a word, love is slowly disappearing and lying is the new truth. Don’t get me wrong, I am not saying that everyone is the same. But it is a pity the fact that in our run for money, power and reputation, we forget the humanity.

Let’s do an exercise. Take a look in the mirror and ask yourself ” Who are you?” . And try to give the most honest answer. Is the one that you are looking at, a person or a human? I wish you all a weekend full of love, peace and positive energy. And let’s make this world a better place 🙂

It’s the first day of the rest of your life.

Today is the day when I give up on all the negativity in my life. And leave behind all the toxic people, drama, stupid games or negative thoughts which retained me be from fighting for my dreams. Today is the first day of the rest of my life.

Even though we don’t realize or don’t want to accept it, we do have toxic people around us. You can see them everywhere: family, friends, work. But what is most important is how you deal with them.

In my opinion, there are 3 types of toxic people:

-Narcissist: Imagine that you are dating a guy who tells you he is the best, does this and that, possess things that he doesn’t and is the perfect definition of arrogance. He wants everyone to admire him, yet he doesn’t care at all about others feeling. Is a selfish and cold person who loves to blame others for his problems. EVERY TIME.

-Mr. Know it All: Imagine being with a guy who tells you what to listen, what friends to have, what to watch and how to talk…..Is the intellectual type who believes he is the best and knows everything that suits everyone.Is the one who has a solution for everything, concerning him or not.

-Drama Queens: My last ex is exactly this type. And I think is the most toxic type. Imagine dating with a guy who always has a drama.ALWAYS.And when you try to change the topic and be more positive, the call you heartless. Throughout my relationship with him, I gave up on so many people and chances just because he made me feel so worthless. I got to the point when I was feeling his bad energy and almost be caught in his drama. And then I realized something was wrong.I broke up with him yesterday. I couldn’t carry on anymore. His reaction? He started to play the victim role and cursed and offended me big time. But at least it’s over. ENOUGH IS ENOUGH. This was the last drop.

It is time to take back my life and my dreams and move on. These toxic people made me understand that I have myself. And this is the most important. From my experience, I am telling all of you who are going through the same things: Don’t stay in a toxic relationship. RUN as far as possible. Don’t let anyone put you down. You deserve better things and people who are really able to love you. And no matter what, keep fighting for your dreams. Let today be the first day of the rest of your life.

Depression. The silent criminal.

Today I am finally able to write and say the truth. The past 4 months had been hell. I really hope it is over now. Every month I had either bad news or lost someone. The last one? The guy that I was talking about in my gay post. He died last week… in a car accident. That was the last drop.

For the past 4 months, I had to play the role of a girl who smiled and be nice to others, but the demons inside me were slowing but surely,taking control of myself. It was hard to wake up and had insomnia, either didn’t want to eat or eat like crazy. Gave up on going outside and find pleasure in things that one day was making me happy. I isolated myself and the only relief I had was crying. I got almost to the point of being aggressive with my parents, told them that I hate them and don’t want them in my life anymore. Depression was taking over me.

When I started to understand what was going on, I slowly began to ask for help. One of my friends is a therapist and he immediately understood that something was wrong with me. He told me that I have to fight with myself. as depression is not curing itself. My answer? “You’re wrong. It can’t happen to me”. And yet ,it did. And that was the moment when I realised that I have some amazing people next to me. Even though they were in other cities or countries, they helped me to see that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. There is still hope. I learned to love myself again. And the biggest lesson of all was that if I don’t love myself, no one will do. Some of the people that I thought were my friends disappeared, but instead, people who I have never thought I will be friends with, prove themselves to be true friends.

I am still fighting, but I am getting there. Step by step, I am becoming a better person. The most frightening part is over. No more black thoughts, no more isolation. I went back to exercise and job hunting. I started to post on social media and went out with friends. Went for walks by myself. And read. A lot. This was really helpful.

What I am trying to say with this post is that depression can happen to anyone of us. Regardless of religion, race, color, nationality. And then is the moment when you have to choose what’s next. The end of the road or asking for help. The biggest advice I would give up is to don’t isolate from others. And don’t think you can cure it by yourself without any help.

Depression is not only affecting me or you. Is affecting millions of people worldwide. Some of them are ashamed to recognize it as they may be treated as mentally ill. When it comes to your life, don’t give a shit about what others have to tell you. Depression if not treated or at least dealt with, is like a silent criminal who is taking the life out of you.

Never lose hope. There is always light…a door….an escape. Fight with yourself and don’t give up. Tomorrow is a new day and a new beginning. And never forget that the people who truly love you will be there no matter what.

And don’t forget something: you are love and deserve the best.

A letter to my ex

Dear Ex,

I would like to start this letter by thanking you.For everything. We had an amazing time, but sometimes life has different plans for us. Maybe it is better like this.

I fought with everything I had to keep the relationship alive. Until one day…when I realised you were lying me big time. And then I stopped caring.The only outcome of this was the end of the relationship. Which eventually happened. And you were sure that going back to your ex will help you forget of me.

I stopped contacting you and I was sure that you will come back. You did. You started to contact me in any way you could even though you were with her. Nothing changed for me, I was still missing you. The old you. Not the one that broke up with me.

You left her too, as you weren’t happy . Found another one, with a child , who you believed will help you forget of me and make you happy.She was posting every single little thing you were doing on Facebook….. trying to mark her territory. But this didn’t make you stop thinking of me. As you continued stalking me on social media and liking every single post.

And then, on your relationship anniversary, you sent me a text. The last lie that I took from you. And then I realised that you will never change. You continue to be a person who doesn’t respect the woman next to him. Who doesn’t care how much your partner is suffering, as long as you are happy.

Learn that for a relationship it takes 2. One side love is not enough. I wish you all the best.To be happy and have the family you wanted. But do not forget one thing :Karma is a b***h. I have finally moved on and do not care about us anymore. I don’t tremble and smile when I see a like from you. Life goes on. No contact rule is on.

But I really hope you will get more mature at your 33 and treat the people the right way.And start to listen more. Life is not only about yourself. Is about the people you care too.

Now it’s time to say goodbye. What’s next? For you, to sleep with someone while thinking of others. For me following my dreams and find a new one. Maybe the next one will be the right one. For us, it is the end of the road.

Best Regards,

An ex who loved you more than you will ever know.

How can being gay be changed by religion??

Since I was a child I have been thought by people around me that being gay/lesbian is a disease. I was 19 when I first met one. And it was “love at first sight”. He is still one of my best friends and is the one who changed my mind completely. Throughout the time, due to university and work, had the chance to create a group of LGBT people. And although I am straight, I loved going to their parties and parades with my friends.

Last night I was with one of them, shopping. While we were in the queue to pay, there was a foreign old couple behind us who suddenly approached my friend. They were very religious and started to be very rude to him , by telling him that he is an error of  nature and I should pray for his soul to come back to normality. They kept telling us that in their country, he would be killed for being gay and he should seek religious and mental help.

Now my question is: how on earth can religion change a gay/lesbian orientation?? It would be like if I’m praying God to make lesbian and tomorrow when I will wake up, I will be one??? This is pure b******t. I know people who took their lives for not being accepted in their family or friends circle when they came out.

People should understand that being gay is not a choice. Is not like a pair of shoes that you choose to wear. It’s something that you are born with. I have an acquaintance who was married for 10 years and had children because his family obliged him. When his parents died, he married a guy. And he is extremely happy, as he always knew he is gay. And his wife had a double life while trying to cover him.

If you believe that whoever you are praying to, will change your child’s orientation, you have no brain. We should be more open-mind and accept love in all its forms. Why it should bother me that the guy or the girl next to me has a different orientation. It’s his/her life.

The worst thing that the “lady” told my boy last night was “being gay will also make you look for small children attention. You will become a pedophile too.” This broke his heart. He is a teaching assistant. And is doing an amazing job. The kids really love him. But what has to do being a gay with a pedophile?? There are a lot of straight pedophiles too. Are they better just because they are straight??

We should pay more attention to what are we talking about. And if we are not sure about something, just shut the hell up. One thing is to be religious and the other is to make others be an idiot and selfish as you. I am religious in my way but I am also mature enough to understand that the world is changing and we love more the one next to us.

So I am still asking myself: how religion can change sexual orientation?

Goodbye 26, welcome 27!

If I would have to describe how it felt being 26, the first thing coming to my mind would be: roller-coaster. It’s been one of the most interesting years of my life.

I had the chance to re-discover myself, set new boundaries and learn new things. I lied, I’ve been lied to, I loved,cried, laughed as tomorrow will never come again. I lost friends,some of them forever. But the most important thing that I learned,was to pay more attention to myself and my needs.

26 was the age when enough was enough. When the dreams were more important than what would people say. Was the moment when I stopped toxic relationships and regain control over myself.I am not old, I am not young. The inner child is still alive, but the mature side is also there.

Had the opportunity to travel and discover new places. To push my limits and reconsider what really matters in life.In the end, I realize that no matter how bad you want something, if it’s not for you, it won’t be.

Today I’m 27. New year, new start, new opportunities and challenges. I hope it will be better than the last one. With less fake people. More love, travel, good books,friends and family. With more positive experiences and life lessons.

And with more posts on this blog 🙂 Yanny’s journey continues.