The only certainty that life gives you is yourself.

Hello everybody! Today is about a topic that we sometimes try to avoid because we find it hard to believe.

Since childhood, we are taught to deal with people. Not only with families, but people in general. And we hear very often the phrase ” I will always be with you”. And we raise and believe that, those words are real and that people will stay forever in our lives. Unfortunately, no one told us that forever doesn’t exist. As strange as it may sound, everyone is temporary. The only “forever” in our own lives is ourselves. No matter how close you are to someone, and how much you wish for that person to be part of your life, they will leave sooner or later. It is life’s process.

How many times you didn’t hear from your lover, best friend, and so on ” I will never leave you/ I am not like everyone else/ I am here to stay” and one day they just vanished? And you are being left on your own again, starting to put the pieces together and hoping that the next one will stay longer. The law of humanity says that what has a beginning, also has an ending. It is natural. Some endings are abrupt and painful, some just come naturally. The only things that are left are memories and lessons.

In our lives, we tend to give more credits to others, than to ourselves. But let me ask you something. Who is carrying on even when times seem hopeless? Who is fighting with everything and manages to put a smile on even when the inside storms are stronger than ever? That is right: you. People in our lives only know a piece of the entire story…of our story. No one can live your story, know you better than yourself, or how much you have suffered/ dealt with.

It is you who get out of bed every morning and get ready for another day. Who knows what comes next? The only undeniable idea is that until you die, you are your only forever.

Love you all, be safe and have a great day!!

Control is not love

Happy Easter to all the Orthodox people reading this. I hope everyone is ok. Today is about something that we tend to understand as a form of caring: control. And it is a great mistake that we do. Because, by controlling others, we only manage to push them away from our life.

Control comes in many ways but being constantly asked questions like: ” who texted/called you?”, “Why are you appearing online and who are you talking to?”, ” why/ how/when/where….?” or repeated ” suggestions” of what they think may be better for you, without asking for their opinion are only a small part of what being controlled is. And when you ask them to stop or ask for explanations, is always the same answer:” I care for/love you and want to know everything about you”. What needs to be understood is that by nature, people are free. Even though we try to understand this type of behavior, sooner or later, we’ll “break the chain and try to escape”.

Either this or if it’s family-related will try to hide everything from them. To let them know only the basics. The control is learned from childhood, when parents, with/without realizing, are implying the idea that control is a form of caring and that love is shown by this. Little do they know, that when the children grow up, will either maintain the same path or will become adults addicted to being controlled by others, as they don’t know any other way.

And don’t get me wrong, I agree with knowing what your child is doing. I am only talking about that control when you are living your child’s life. Control is toxic for any type of relationship. Parents, lovers, friends, everything. And by this, you are not losing people around you. You also show how little you trust yourself and how low is your self-esteem. Because believe it or not, control is often done by those who are frustrated (any reason), have anger problems, low self-esteem, self-love, and don’t trust themselves too much…

So next time when you are being controlled, analyze if it’s something wrong that you did, or if the problem is with them. And if the answer is the last part, then you surely deserve better. Have a fantastic Sunday everybody!

Dreams are to be pursued, not told

Hello everybody! Do you know those moments when you have big dreams? Like when you feel that you can conquer the world? Well, today is about dreams.

Since I was a kid, I had lots of dreams…so many plans and dreams, that I was so happy to tell others about. Until one point. Until the day I realized that not everyone who calls themselves a friend, actually is. You can never be sure of the true intentions of anyone. Family, friends, lovers, coworkers, no one can truly guarantee that they are true to you.

If I can give you a piece of advice, stop telling people your moves. Stop telling them every single dream of you. Instead, work for it. In silence. You will fail, multiple times. Life is not a win-win game. But at least you will know that it was all your fault. What do I mean by this? Well, let me tell you a story. One of my dear people, someone who I truly trusted and loved, seemed to always be so “protective and loving”. Little did I know she was just jealous. Every time I was telling her about a new project or interview she behaved really happy for me until the day that the event was supposed to happen. On that day, every single time, she was finding a reason to put me down; either that “maybe” I am not qualified or good enough, maybe I am just losing time for nothing, and so on. And although I knew what I can do, mentally she was draining me so much, that I was blocking myself, which made me lose not only jobs but also give up on dreams that I really wanted to pursue.

And this continued until one day when I completely stopped telling people about my life. Not even a word. And believe me, that there was a huge difference. Because I was showing them the new me. Nothing else. I went from failure to failure, until I got the chance to do what I want. Until I found my way. Don’t wait for validation from others. Look inside you and see what you are capable of. No one knows you better than yourself.

And never forget: the sky is the limit. Love you all and have a fantastic weekend!!!

Expectations vs reality

Hello!! I hope you are all well and enjoying this time. As we have 5 days left this year, I wanted to share a lesson with you. How expectations create a toxic environment and affect our lives.

How many times in this life you didn’t expect someone to do something? It doesn’t matter if personally or professionally, but it is in our human nature to do so. What we don’t understand is that expectations are seriously affecting our mental health as most of them are not achievable. The worst part comes when you are in a relationship, and you expect so many things from your partner that you forget to differentiate imaginary from reality.

Just because you are kind to people, or show care and love, it doesn’t mean that they feel the same. Unfortunately, nowadays, people are nice to you as long as they can get what they want from you. After, they will treat you as you never existed in their lives. Stop believing that expecting something from someone will automatically become reality. People behave as they want, regardless of how you feel about it. However, in the long term run, you may suffer a lot. More than you can believe. When you stop expecting, you start realizing a person’s true colors. You want to be good and help? Go ahead. But don’t expect something in return. Some people have absolutely nothing to give(and I am not talking about financial stuff). Some know only to receive, never to give.

I learned this the hard way. I had expectations from people that I would have given me life for. Guess what? They turned up to be the worst people in my life. And people that I didn’t expect anything from, ended up being very important in my life. Do you want to expect something from someone? Then raise your expectations from yourself. Have more expectations from yourself as a person, professional, friend, everything. The biggest expectation that you should have in this life is to improve your life by believing more that you can do anything you want. Don’t expect changes or love or care or anything from others. Do it with yourself first. And you will see the difference. Love you all! 🙂

So this is Christmas

Merry Christmas everyone!!! Our first pandemic Christmas. Who would have thought? I am used to writing happy and positive posts about Christmas, but as the times are tough and this year was pretty crazy (and not in a good way), today I feel the need to talk from my heart.

This Christmas is special. And it should be a moment for us to look within ourselves and see what needs to be changed or improved. Christmas is not only about presents but also about love, compassion, and care for each other. You may be miles away from your family, friends, loved ones. You may be single or married, happy, or in a bad state of mind. But one thing is for sure. You are not alone. For some, it may be a difficult time, especially with the pandemic. But this should pass too. And hopefully, we will be back to normal. But until then, take this Christmas to appreciate what you have. Be grateful for who you are. And if you are with your family at the moment, show them more love. Laugh, eat, drink, do whatever you want. Forget for a moment about the bad part of life. Take a deeper look at the right one. Send a message, give a call to someone you didn’t talk to for a long time. You never know how much this means for them.

And if you are alone, don’t despair. I know and completely understand how bad it feels especially during the winter holidays. But the things will get better. I promise. It always does.

This Christmas is a little different for me. Because it is for the first time when I am breaking the traditions and just have some time with my dog, my parents, and my closest relatives. But talking to my dearest people (not only family but friends too) made me realize that the magic of Christmas is about spirituality and getting closer to the ones you love. And although it sounds like a cliche, it is about becoming a better person:)

We dream, we hope, we pray for better days.

This is a lyric from Faydee’s song “Better days”. A song that somehow describes this year. How many times you didn’t hear this year things like: “We hope for better”, “2020 should be canceled”, “worst year ever”? Let’s take a moment and think. For each of us, this year was a huge challenge. No one will say otherwise. We are all survivors of a pandemic. Nobody knew what this is or how to deal with it. But stop for a moment and breathe. Take a deep breath and look behind.

Take the pandemic aside and look at every month and how it affected your life. Some of you may have lost someone, a job, a relationship, whatever. But now you are reading this. You are stronger than you can imagine, and I am so proud of you. You did it. It is almost December, and 2020 is only 33 days away from ending.

To be honest, 2020 was a rebirth. A reset to the “factory settings”. We were too hurried, too focused on stupid things. 2020 was a lesson. A hard pill to swallow, but something that believe it or not changed us completely.

It proved that tomorrow is not guaranteed, that expensive possessions mean nothing if you don’t have where to show them, and that the people we treated as ordinary played the most crucial role in the pandemic. It showed the true colors of people, proved that family is not always blood and that you can have everything you can imagine. If you are not healthy, it means nothing. In my opinion, life after a pandemic will never be the same as before. Because there is a new version of everyone right now. Society is continually changing.

What will be next, no one can say. The only thing we can do is to dream, hope, and pray for better days. Love you all! 🙂

“Stay a little longer”

Today I will talk about one of the saddest parts of my life. And I hope that this will help someone who is going/went through the same thing.

I had the blessing to have the most amazing grandparents you can ever think. That type of elders like in the fairytales we grew up with: caring, loving, supportive, and the best cookers.

I lost my first grandpa when I was 8. Before going to school, my grandma called and said that he is gone. Although it hurt a lot, I was too little to understand the real deal. I only knew that he became my angel. The second one taught me the most important lesson of my life and the saddest at the same time. I was 20, studying abroad. It was time to go back to uni, and I went to say goodbye to them. I was coming back home in less than a month, so I didn’t stay too long then. For the first time in my life, my grandpa was begging me to stay a little more. Few more minutes. I was in such a rush that I didn’t couldn’t but promised him that I will be back soon and then I will stay longer for sure. And next time I did stay longer. At the cemetery. He died 2 weeks after I went back to uni. I wasn’t able to attend his funeral and didn’t have the chance to say a proper goodbye.
For 8 years I hated myself more than you can ever imagine. For being in a rush, for not staying with him longer, for not saying goodbye, for everything. I went through an unbelievable mental pain. I ended up with depression and panic attacks. But eventually, I started to heal and move on.

My grandma (his wife) is 84. And today, after years of being apart, her sons and her nephews gathered together around a big table, full of laughs and stories and memories and great food. At one point, she acted like she was saying goodbye to us. Not directly, but choosing the right words. I felt that completely. And she asked just for one thing: to stay a little longer. And this time, I stayed. We stayed for 7 hours (don’t know when the time passed). And we will meet again tomorrow. If she feels like this may the end for her, I want to make sure that she is loved and cared for.

We don’t know what life has in store for us. Tomorrow is not guaranteed for anyone. So please do me a favor, guys. Next time you visit your elders, stay a little longer, and show them more love. Call them more often. You never know when it is the end. I would give years of my life for 5 more minutes with my grandfathers. But I can’t and it hurts. I took them for granted, so please don’t do the same mistake.

P.s. Love you lots, my angels…I wish you could’ve just stayed a little longer 😦

“If you focus on yourself,your ex will be back”

It is the title of a magazine that I saw today. I am sure that you know this statement very well, especially if you have been through a bad heartbreak. Everyone says the same: “Oh, do yourself, and when they will see you glowing, they will be back.” Really? It is so easy to say, but so hard to do it.
Ok, fair enough, you pay more attention to you, go shopping, change your appearance, but mentally? When mentally you are out of order, how can you focus on yourself? Have you ever appeared strong and acted like you moved on in front of your friends and family, but while you were alone, you were crying yourself to sleep? Ever felt like one moment you weren’t good enough for that person and the next one you would move mountains for them to come back? How can you focus on yourself, when you finally feel like you are healing, and it’s enough to hear a song or have a flashback, and you are into pieces again? Everyone thinks that if you appear happy, you moved on. Nope, some just learned how to hide the pain very well.

Let me tell you something that may be disturbing to you. That title is a huge BS. Why? Because when you focus on yourself and healing, you won’t need your ex back. You will understand that you deserve the best. And your ex is not. Your ex is just a lesson and a part of your PAST. You will accept that having your ex back is like reading the same book but expecting the end to be different.

If you want to focus on yourself, do it for your own good. Not for anyone else. No one truly knows what battles you are having inside or how hard it is to move on when the pain is excruciating. And remember one thing: someone who truly cares and loves you would never let anything or anyone to affect your relationship.

When a stranger gives you the best lesson.

“I worked in the hospitality industry for three years. And this gave me the chance to meet some great people with whom I am still friends today. One of them is my ex operations manager. The person who tried to change my life while I was working with him, but I refused and learned the lessons he was trying to give me the hard way.

I was a very arrogant but at the same time depressed girl. The type who wants to change the world, but not today. I wasn’t saw anything positive, always complaining about everything. And in the end, after several times of threatening of living, I finally did. But before that, my ex-manager wanted to give me another chance and had a soul-to-soul discussion about being more positive and open to opportunities. I heard what he had to say, but didn’t pay too much attention to put it into practice.

I went back home, ended up unemployed and in the wrongest relationship of my life. The result? A depression that almost drove me to suicide, more toxic people, and a complete lack of sense in my life. And then is when I remembered that discussion, and realized that the problem was no one but myself. My life, my decisions, my results.

So I started to read personal development books, meditate, did courses and met new people and made new friends. And then came the biggest test: a new relationship. I’ve met someone amazing on the internet and thought he was the one…but after a month I found out that he was in a 6 years long-distance relationship. And then is when I understood that I was finally healed from the past and stronger than I thought. I left him but compared to my previous relationship, this time I knew how to deal with the situation and show more love and respect for myself.

And the most beautiful thing this taught me is that I am ENOUGH. It’s fantastic to have people who truly care and love you, but if you are not OK with yourself, you will never be happy. So cherish yourself more than anything else”

Hello everybody! This is an email that I received from a girl who wants to tell you her story. About how in life, you should receive the help and support at the right time and not wait until you are on the edge of life.

“I worked in the hospitality industry for three years. And this gave me the chance to meet some great people with whom I am still friends today. One of them is my ex operations manager. The person who tried to change my life while I was working with him, but I refused and learned the lessons he was trying to give me the hard way.

I was a very arrogant but at the same time depressed girl. The type who wants to change the world, but not today. I wasn’t saw anything positive, always complaining about everything. And in the end, after several times of threatening of living, I finally did. But before that, my ex-manager wanted to give me another chance and had a soul-to-soul discussion about being more positive and open to opportunities. I heard what he had to say, but didn’t pay too much attention to put it into practice.

I went back home, ended up unemployed and in the wrongest relationship of my life. The result? A depression that almost drove me to suicide, more toxic people, and a complete lack of sense in my life. And then is when I remembered that discussion, and realized that the problem was no one but myself. My life, my decisions, my results.

So I started to read personal development books, meditate, did courses and met new people and made new friends. And then came the biggest test: a new relationship. I’ve met someone amazing on the internet and thought he was the one…but after a month I found out that he was in a 6 years long-distance relationship. And then is when I understood that I was finally healed from the past and stronger than I thought. I left him but compared to my previous relationship, this time I knew how to deal with the situation and show more love and respect for myself.

And the most beautiful thing this taught me is that I am ENOUGH. It’s fantastic to have people who truly care and love you, but if you are not OK with yourself, you will never be happy. So cherish yourself more than anything else”

A toxic relationship:the worst nightmare.

Hello everybody! For the past few days, I had this topic in mind, trying to decide if I should write about it or not. And here we are.

This post is a true story that I hope will help others who are in the same situation. There comes a moment in your life when you fall in love with the wrongest person. You know, that type of relationship who takes everything and sometimes, everyone from you, but gives nothing instead. The relationship that makes you feel worthless, incomplete, and a total wreck.

Well, the wounds left after you break up with your toxic partner are extremely hard to heal. The mental and physical pain is so hard to deal with. It feels like you have no life left inside and have no clue how to go back to your life, the one before this nightmare.

And when you think that you healed and ready to move on, someone appears in your life. A handsome, well-educated, and sexy as hell man. The type of guy with whom you speak until 3 am and feel like it’s been a 30 minutes discussion and not 5 hours one. And he sees through you, your rawest side, the one completely naked (and not talking about clothes). And at that moment, the triggers start: The comparison with the toxic ex begins, bringing back memories and wounds that you project onto the new guy. And you start to question every little thing he says or does. You want him, but at the same time, you are scared as hell.

And then one night, he disappears without saying anything. And then the worst scenario comes to your mind: you have been ghosted again. He abandoned you too. And your anxiety, overthinking, and everything else hits again. Stronger than ever. Because you realize that you had a chance with a great guy and you lost it. But he comes back. Just had an emergency….. And then is the moment when you realize that you fell for him. But what do you do when the fear of the past, still plays you? Do you fight to open up and gain a chance to be happy? Or do you lose the guy, give in to the ghost of the past and live a miserable life?

Maybe life gives you a real chance to happiness or another lesson. No one knows but as Eminem’s song says :
“Look
If you had
One shot
Or one opportunity
To seize everything you ever wanted
In one moment
Would you capture it
Or just let it slip?”

The decision belongs to each one of us. Let’s just make it the right way. Love you all and thanks for being part of Yanny’s Journey.