Control is not love

Happy Easter to all the Orthodox people reading this. I hope everyone is ok. Today is about something that we tend to understand as a form of caring: control. And it is a great mistake that we do. Because, by controlling others, we only manage to push them away from our life.

Control comes in many ways but being constantly asked questions like: ” who texted/called you?”, “Why are you appearing online and who are you talking to?”, ” why/ how/when/where….?” or repeated ” suggestions” of what they think may be better for you, without asking for their opinion are only a small part of what being controlled is. And when you ask them to stop or ask for explanations, is always the same answer:” I care for/love you and want to know everything about you”. What needs to be understood is that by nature, people are free. Even though we try to understand this type of behavior, sooner or later, we’ll “break the chain and try to escape”.

Either this or if it’s family-related will try to hide everything from them. To let them know only the basics. The control is learned from childhood, when parents, with/without realizing, are implying the idea that control is a form of caring and that love is shown by this. Little do they know, that when the children grow up, will either maintain the same path or will become adults addicted to being controlled by others, as they don’t know any other way.

And don’t get me wrong, I agree with knowing what your child is doing. I am only talking about that control when you are living your child’s life. Control is toxic for any type of relationship. Parents, lovers, friends, everything. And by this, you are not losing people around you. You also show how little you trust yourself and how low is your self-esteem. Because believe it or not, control is often done by those who are frustrated (any reason), have anger problems, low self-esteem, self-love, and don’t trust themselves too much…

So next time when you are being controlled, analyze if it’s something wrong that you did, or if the problem is with them. And if the answer is the last part, then you surely deserve better. Have a fantastic Sunday everybody!

Game of narcissists

Each one of us at least once in our lives had to deal with a narcissistic. In schools, high schools, uni, work, normal life, they are everywhere. And the worst is that they are becoming more, daily.

One of the traits of a narcissist is that is unable to ever see you happy. You are never allowed to have, do, receive or be happier than them. In their mind, the world should revolve around them. But they can also represent huge damage to you. They are like energetical vampires. They suck your energy, try to make you fall for them, put you down, and then disappear. Easy peasy.

I had to deal with this type of people for my entire life. Some of them tried to change me and they saw they couldn’t, they left. Others played mind games which in the end only affected them, as I am not going for that. 

Narcissists always seek attention and approval from everybody as they think they deserve the world, but give nothing in return. They can be in a relationship and still looking for other partners as they are never happy. They lack a lot of things but try to hide this by having an arrogant, selfish attitude.

But the funniest thing in dealing with someone like this is when you give a taste of their own medicine. From my personal experience, I can tell for sure, that this is getting them out of their minds. How? Very easy. Here are 5 ways:

  1. Do you: Pay attention to your needs, desires, and feelings. Most of the time, he will feel “inferior” without recognising, and he will devalue you and your projects believing that by doing this, that feeling will disappear.
  2. Be happy:. I had people with 0 achievements, pathetic, empty-headed narcissists telling me I wasn’t good enough for love, happiness, or success. I shut them down as they didn’t deserve even a word from me and continued to pursue my dreams and happiness.
  3. Take care: Ask for help if needed as narcissists can sometimes become not only mentally but also physically aggressive. Talk to family, close friends, or anyone who could help you get out from them.
  4. Expect being heart-broken but don’t show them: And believe me this kills them (100% proved). Don’t post sad pics, quotes, whatever that can make him see you’re suffering for them. They are craving this, and it will only affect you more. I was dying inside, but always shown a happy face, and this was getting on his nerves as he was realising that he has no more power over me.
  5. Let them go: It will be hard as hell. You will suffer, and be hurt and think that you will never find someone like him (this what they do to you; making you believe that they are the best you will ever found. Trust me, they are the worst). Take time to heal your wounds, regain your power and put all the pieces back together

Although dealing with a narcissist can be painful, it also means a life-changing experience if we are talking about relationships. It will only help you to get back to your roots, see your true colors, your qualities, and what you are capable of. But never settle for someone who doesn’t see your value and only wants to make you his puppet. Don’t forget that you deserve the world!

5 ways to tame your brain

Hello, lovely people!! I hope you are all OK! Day 22 of my challenge, another lesson to share with you.

At different stages in our lives, we want different things: a good job, a great car/house, someone to love us, and so on. Almost always we try to create a perfect picture of how our life has to be. This is human nature. But when we face the reality and see that things are not how we want, the first reaction is to give up and think that we are not good enough. And the mind starts its “terrible dance” again and takes us to the dark place of feeling helpless and unworthy. What we don’t know is that the mind itself is either our greatest enemy or biggest friend. How many times you didn’t have a special event or great job opportunity that you gave up just because you were telling yourself that you can’t do it?

Throughout the years, studies have shown that one of the most important factors for low self-esteem and lack of confidence is given by the brain. That little voice inside you killed more dreams than anything else. And it continues to play its games until you learn how to enter the game too. How? It is easy but it takes time and discipline. Today I will talk about 5 ways that in my case showed great results:

1) Meditate!! I can’t emphasize this enough. As crazy as it may look, meditation has been used for ages to improve your brain activity and calm it when things are getting too tough. It is also amazing for breathing and it boosts your mood.

2) Reading: Read as much as you can. Everything you want. Books are called in some cultures the food of the brain and soul. If you suffer from fears, phobias, or anything related to this, I suggest you read ‘ Psychology of Fear” by Christophe Andre. It is an amazing book.

3) Affirmations: Create a positive environment for your brain by using positive affirmations; daily. I am practicing this in the morning and when I go to sleep. I have my personal “ritual” of positive affirmations and believe me. it shows results.

4)Understand yourself and your brain: it is Ok to not be Ok, but why are you feeling a certain way? What beliefs affect you? Remember that you make your beliefs and those beliefs make you

5) Bring on the unfamiliar: there are times when we are scared of certain activities or experiences just because our brain is not familiar with them and the first response is being scared. Try at least 2 a week to do something different: a new activity, new food, new place. Do something that you want but forget about fear for a moment. Please be aware that I am not talking about something that can put in danger your life. Nope, something that you didn’t think you always wanted but you didn’t think you were capable of.

Use these techniques and see how your life will improve. It is all about perspective.

A challenge to change

Hello! My last post was a kind of a wake-up call. Something was completely wrong. So a call to action was required. For 30 days I challenge myself to change. I was on a webinar with Michael Beckwith a while ago and he said something like: ” your biggest enemy is the control. The moment that you understand that the only thing you can control is yourself, then your life will improve.”.

With or without realizing it, every day we are trying to gain control over things, people, events, anything. Well, guess what. This is just a fake assumption. I had a period when I was a control freak. You can’t imagine how much I was fighting to control every single little thing of my life until, in the end, I failed. And then I understood that I have to surrender and give it up. Because, in reality, you can’t control anything more than your mind and body. My last post was somehow trying to show that when you try to control/influence someone’s life, the only outcome you can get is losing that person or causing huge damage for nothing. For example, I want that person back, but this doesn’t mean that I can make him come or decide on his feelings.

This challenge is just the beginning. The warming. But for 30 days, I will put myself first and start to work on every aspect of my life, starting with the most important: mental health and wellbeing. If 2020 was the year of mental transformation, 2021 is the year of personal development. So bring it on!

Expectations vs reality

Hello!! I hope you are all well and enjoying this time. As we have 5 days left this year, I wanted to share a lesson with you. How expectations create a toxic environment and affect our lives.

How many times in this life you didn’t expect someone to do something? It doesn’t matter if personally or professionally, but it is in our human nature to do so. What we don’t understand is that expectations are seriously affecting our mental health as most of them are not achievable. The worst part comes when you are in a relationship, and you expect so many things from your partner that you forget to differentiate imaginary from reality.

Just because you are kind to people, or show care and love, it doesn’t mean that they feel the same. Unfortunately, nowadays, people are nice to you as long as they can get what they want from you. After, they will treat you as you never existed in their lives. Stop believing that expecting something from someone will automatically become reality. People behave as they want, regardless of how you feel about it. However, in the long term run, you may suffer a lot. More than you can believe. When you stop expecting, you start realizing a person’s true colors. You want to be good and help? Go ahead. But don’t expect something in return. Some people have absolutely nothing to give(and I am not talking about financial stuff). Some know only to receive, never to give.

I learned this the hard way. I had expectations from people that I would have given me life for. Guess what? They turned up to be the worst people in my life. And people that I didn’t expect anything from, ended up being very important in my life. Do you want to expect something from someone? Then raise your expectations from yourself. Have more expectations from yourself as a person, professional, friend, everything. The biggest expectation that you should have in this life is to improve your life by believing more that you can do anything you want. Don’t expect changes or love or care or anything from others. Do it with yourself first. And you will see the difference. Love you all! 🙂

It’s okay to not be okay

Hello everybody!! We wear everyday things like: “Don’t show your emotions, you will look weak.”, “You have to be stronger”, “Mental health is overrated.” Believe it or not, this affects us more than we may accept or understand. This year I started volunteering as a mental health listener for children and teens. What I have heard is unbelievable. Parents suppressing their own children’s emotions just for social stigma. Children being at the suicidal point for not being heard or understood while dealing with depression or anxiety. Where is this world going?

It is absolutely fine to don’t be OK. Life is not pink, full of unicorns in a perfect fluffy world. Nope. Life puts you down, gives you lessons, but it also lifts you. As an anxiety fighter myself, I know how it’s to be treated like weird when people don’t understand your feelings. I know how it’s to smile and be happy in front of others when inside my soul is screaming for help. Crying myself to sleep for nights without anyone supposing that something is wrong with me. Because for too long I thought that I have to be strong and don’t show emotions. Until I couldn’t anymore. And I ended up crying anytime, anywhere and feeling like I am worthless. Until one point, when I took myself to a soul inspection. I wrote down everything I was going through, and the worst part was that I had to solve my inner child’s problems. I am not done, as I still have bad days, but I learned that I am stronger than I thought and I am making progress day by day.

For anyone who sees this and is going through a hard time, you are not alone. You are loved and cared for. You can do anything, this is just a bad phase. Not the end. Show your emotions, your true feelings, ask for help if needed. You have me here. We are all in this together. Keep going, the best is yet to come. Love you all! 🙂

“If you focus on yourself,your ex will be back”

It is the title of a magazine that I saw today. I am sure that you know this statement very well, especially if you have been through a bad heartbreak. Everyone says the same: “Oh, do yourself, and when they will see you glowing, they will be back.” Really? It is so easy to say, but so hard to do it.
Ok, fair enough, you pay more attention to you, go shopping, change your appearance, but mentally? When mentally you are out of order, how can you focus on yourself? Have you ever appeared strong and acted like you moved on in front of your friends and family, but while you were alone, you were crying yourself to sleep? Ever felt like one moment you weren’t good enough for that person and the next one you would move mountains for them to come back? How can you focus on yourself, when you finally feel like you are healing, and it’s enough to hear a song or have a flashback, and you are into pieces again? Everyone thinks that if you appear happy, you moved on. Nope, some just learned how to hide the pain very well.

Let me tell you something that may be disturbing to you. That title is a huge BS. Why? Because when you focus on yourself and healing, you won’t need your ex back. You will understand that you deserve the best. And your ex is not. Your ex is just a lesson and a part of your PAST. You will accept that having your ex back is like reading the same book but expecting the end to be different.

If you want to focus on yourself, do it for your own good. Not for anyone else. No one truly knows what battles you are having inside or how hard it is to move on when the pain is excruciating. And remember one thing: someone who truly cares and loves you would never let anything or anyone to affect your relationship.

You are not good enough!!!….says who?

On the other side, when someone tells you this, pay attention to what type of person he/she is saying. Is he/she better than you? More experienced? Do they have dreams that they are working on? Or are those people who only live to interfere in others’ life?

I want to tell you something about my personal experience. YOU CAN DO ANYTHING!!!! YOU ARE CAPABLE AND ENOUGH TO FIGHT FOR YOUR DREAMS!! Let them talk, is the only thing they can do. You do yourself. It won’t be easy…nothing is easy in this life. There will be days when you will feel like you can move the mountains…and days that will feel like the mountains are falling over you. So what? Keep going.

One of my exes told me that I would never be good enough for anything…one of my ex-friends believed that I will never be able to do what I always wanted. And the tables turned, and they saw me succeed. Because I know what I am capable of. So if they leave you or tell you that you should change cause otherwise you are not good for them, let them go… or you go. You will always be good enough who truly see the value of yourself and your potential.

“You are not good enough! You may not be ready for this! You are worthless!”. I am sure we have all heard this bs at least once in our lives. Either from a teacher, a parent, friend, lover, or family, these statements are some of the worst “weapons” people are using against each other. And the scenario is always the same: they either say it for your good or just because they don’t want you to embarrass yourself. One of my dearest persons had always dreamed of being a cop. Her father told her so much that she is not good enough to do it and that he only wants the best for her, that eventually, she gave up on her dreams, and even now, 30 years after, she regrets it.

On the other side, when someone tells you this, pay attention to what type of person he/she is saying. Is he/she better than you? More experienced? Do they have dreams that they are working on? Or are those people who only live to interfere in others’ life?

I want to tell you something about my personal experience. YOU CAN DO ANYTHING!!!! YOU ARE CAPABLE AND ENOUGH TO FIGHT FOR YOUR DREAMS!! Let them talk, is the only thing they can do. You do yourself. It won’t be easy…nothing is easy in this life. There will be days when you will feel like you can move the mountains…and days that will feel like the mountains are falling over you. So what? Keep going.

One of my exes told me that I would never be good enough for anything…one of my ex-friends believed that I will never be able to do what I always wanted. And the tables turned, and they saw me succeed. Because I know what I am capable of. So if they leave you or tell you that you should change cause otherwise you are not good for them, let them go… or you go. You will always be good enough who truly see the value of yourself and your potential.

“You are not good enough! You may not be ready for this! You are worthless!”. I am sure we have all heard this bs at least once in our lives. Either from a teacher, a parent, friend, lover, or family, these statements are some of the worst “weapons” people are using against each other. And the scenario is always the same: they either say it for your good or just because they don’t want you to embarrass yourself. One of my dearest persons had always dreamed of being a cop. Her father told her so much that she is not good enough to do it and that he only wants the best for her, that eventually, she gave up on her dreams, and even now, 30 years after, she regrets it.

On the other side, when someone tells you this, pay attention to what type of person he/she is saying. Is he/she better than you? More experienced? Do they have dreams that they are working on? Or are those people who only live to interfere in others’ life?

I want to tell you something about my personal experience. YOU CAN DO ANYTHING!!!! YOU ARE CAPABLE AND ENOUGH TO FIGHT FOR YOUR DREAMS!! Let them talk, is the only thing they can do. You do yourself. It won’t be easy…nothing is easy in this life. There will be days when you will feel like you can move the mountains…and days that will feel like the mountains are falling over you. So what? Keep going.

One of my exes told me that I would never be good enough for anything…one of my ex-friends believed that I will never be able to do what I always wanted. And the tables turned, and they saw me succeed. Because I know what I am capable of. So if they leave you or tell you that you should change cause otherwise you are not good for them, let them go… or you go. You will always be good enough who truly see the value of yourself and your potential.

A toxic relationship:the worst nightmare.

Hello everybody! For the past few days, I had this topic in mind, trying to decide if I should write about it or not. And here we are.

This post is a true story that I hope will help others who are in the same situation. There comes a moment in your life when you fall in love with the wrongest person. You know, that type of relationship who takes everything and sometimes, everyone from you, but gives nothing instead. The relationship that makes you feel worthless, incomplete, and a total wreck.

Well, the wounds left after you break up with your toxic partner are extremely hard to heal. The mental and physical pain is so hard to deal with. It feels like you have no life left inside and have no clue how to go back to your life, the one before this nightmare.

And when you think that you healed and ready to move on, someone appears in your life. A handsome, well-educated, and sexy as hell man. The type of guy with whom you speak until 3 am and feel like it’s been a 30 minutes discussion and not 5 hours one. And he sees through you, your rawest side, the one completely naked (and not talking about clothes). And at that moment, the triggers start: The comparison with the toxic ex begins, bringing back memories and wounds that you project onto the new guy. And you start to question every little thing he says or does. You want him, but at the same time, you are scared as hell.

And then one night, he disappears without saying anything. And then the worst scenario comes to your mind: you have been ghosted again. He abandoned you too. And your anxiety, overthinking, and everything else hits again. Stronger than ever. Because you realize that you had a chance with a great guy and you lost it. But he comes back. Just had an emergency….. And then is the moment when you realize that you fell for him. But what do you do when the fear of the past, still plays you? Do you fight to open up and gain a chance to be happy? Or do you lose the guy, give in to the ghost of the past and live a miserable life?

Maybe life gives you a real chance to happiness or another lesson. No one knows but as Eminem’s song says :
“Look
If you had
One shot
Or one opportunity
To seize everything you ever wanted
In one moment
Would you capture it
Or just let it slip?”

The decision belongs to each one of us. Let’s just make it the right way. Love you all and thanks for being part of Yanny’s Journey.

Top 3 ways to improve your inner happiness.

In a crazy period like this, it is almost impossible to find inner peace, let alone happiness. But we are humans and we need that state of mind to survive what is next. Therefore, this post is about how to improve and maintain your inner happiness.
This pandemic showed us that, at the end of the day it is just us and ourselves. And that we can’t rely our happiness on anyone else, as otherwise, in times like this, we would be going down for sure. This is why today I will present you top 3 ways to improve your inner happiness. So let’s get started.

Number 1: Recreate the bound with yourself

Although we don’t realize it, we have a very special relationship with our body and soul. We just have to listen to it. Pay attention to the signals, your body gives you and how are you feeling mentally. Take a look in the mirror and see how much you have changed or see the things you may want to change. (I am not talking about plastic surgeries or things that may affect your health). I am referring to the things that may make you feel better.

Number 2: Listen to your heart…and brain

Running to please the people and show how amazing we are seemed to be a national sport before this pandemic. Everyone showing their best clothes, cars, jewelry, and everything material they had. Well, what happened when this nightmare started? They lost their popularity as they didn’t have anything left to show. As they were “full ” outside, but empty inside. This is why number 2 is about feeding your heart and brain. Improve yourself spiritually. And it is not on the religious side. Nope.

-Read a book.
-Meditate.
-Pray (if you want).
-Learn a new skill.
-Call your family/friends/someone close (have a soulful talk).
-Play with your pet(if you have any).
-Create a journal/plan about what you want to do next and stick to it.
-Create a unique challenge. For example, I challenge myself to don’t pass a day without learning something new: a word, a notion, whatever. But learn.
-Do that hobby that you loved but you left it due to the lack of time.
-Start following your dreams.

Number 3: Leave the world to follow its path


There is a saying:” When the past becomes your present, you lose the future”. Read this again and decide what do you want. Stay in the past or live in the present and create your future? I am honestly telling you from my experience. When you think too much about the past, you are not only losing days of your life for nothing but also ruin your future. We should think of the past as a football game. A game that happened yesterday and that is over. Why do you want to replay the same game over and over again? Regain control over your present and create new games. Better games. Because at the end of the game called life, you do not want to be the loser…you want to be the champion.

To summarize all of the above, to find and improve inner happiness is easy. It just requires a little bit of daily time for yourself, discipline, and courage to become a better version of yourself.