Pay attention who don’t clap when you win

Hello everybody!! I hope you are ok. As I finished the first month of the challenge with myself, I wanted to write about something that I started to see clearer during this month, and that is to pay attention to those “who don’t clap when you win”. Today is about friends.

In this life, we get to know a lot of people. Some are a lesson, some a season and some come to stay with you no matter what. Well, the last category should be kept at all costs.

Not everyone who says it’s your friend, it truly is. Some are friends as long as they can benefit from you. Or until you try to become a better person and they feel threatened by this. Then they show their true colors.

In my opinion, there are 3 types of friends that you may get to know:

  1. The so-called “friend” :That type of person who claims to be your friend but gets frustrated when you achieve something. The one whose problems are always more important than yours and for who you must be available but is never willing to help or support you when needed. The person who plays a great role in the front of you, but behind your back is a totally different one. It usually ends with them disappearing as soon as they find someone or something better
  2. Drama queen friend: If they can’t do something, no one else can either. The type of person who doesn’t have a dream, aspirations, anything, but who thinks that is “allowed” to control everyone’s life. If they are miserable, you must be too. They constantly need assurance and attention from you and get jealous or make a crisis as soon as they don’t receive it. Tbh, this is the most toxic type of friend, as there are 2 choices: they either make you be like them, or you finally realize how toxic they are and for your own sake, leave them.
  3. A lifetime friend: Now this is the best type. Is that friend that you grow up with. You learn from, share ideas and aspirations, develop a healthy friendship based on mutual respect and support. Although you may not communicate daily, you know that they are there through thick and thin. Is that person who makes your life better. And happier.

No one said that it’s easy to create and maintain a good friendship. And sometimes you may fail, but remember something. The easiest way to see the real face of somebody is either when you are down or when you achieve something big. Someone who can’t be there for you when you struggle or truly be happy when you succeed, can’t be called a friend. Have a great day, everybody! 🙂

Be afraid of losing yourself, not others

Hello everybody! Today I want to share with you one of the things that helped me realize my worth and increase my self-esteem and self-trust. How many times in life you didn’t hear things like: ” Be more like I want and I will love you more?”,” Change this or that and I will appreciate you more?”, ” If you don’t do things as I want, I will leave you?”. Seriously now. Studies have shown that we, as humans, are more likely to change based on others’ needs and expectations than by satisfying ours. However, the same studies revealed that by doing so. we are slowly but surely losing our identity.

Either it is about a friend, lover, or family member, how many times you didn’t lower your standards or acted in a certain way just to make them happy? Now the question is, would they do the same? Or are they asking things from you without being able to provide anything in exchange?

I used to do the same mistake. I was like a muppet. Everyone’s opinion was above my needs. And guess what? I lost dreams, projects, amazing people due to listening to people that left me in the first second that I stopped listening to them. However, this was a blessing in disguise. It made me find the real me, love me, and care for myself more and appreciate more those who stay and accept me the way I am. I lost people that I didn’t think I could live without, and yet I am still here. Life is not about scared to lose others, but about losing yourself. No one stays forever in our lives. We are the only guarantee in this life. For how long no one knows. But it is our game and we should follow our rules.

My personal experience made me understand something: my freedom ends where yours begins. Relating this to the first paragraph, what those people are trying to do is manipulate. When there is love, respect, and trust, you don’t manipulate. You manipulate when you are 0 in terms of education, self-esteem, and care towards others. So if you had this type of person in your life and lost them, be happy. Cause if you lost them, but found yourself, you won. Don’t lose yourself for anyone, it’s not worth it!

Have a fantastic day! 🙂

Don’t look for the good, search for the real.

” I no longer look for the good in people, I search for the real… because while good is often dressed in fake clothing, real is naked and proud no matter the scars”. (Chishala Lishomwa). This is the quote of the day. And unfortunately, a quote that applies in life too much.

The majority of us have been raised with the idea of looking for the good in people. My grandma was telling me as a child that no matter what, I always must see the good in people. Up to a point, it worked, but life proved me the opposite. Don’t get me wrong, I am not saying that is not OK to do it. I am just saying that we should look for the true colors in people. Not only good or bad sides. For example, some people will only try to show you their good side and hide their bad or viceversa.

When you look only for the good, you miss the real. Your brain creates a perfect image of that specific person and when they will prove you wrong, it’s you who will suffer. Let them unfold, show their true feelings and emotions. Listen and watch. Acknowledge the red flags and what your gut has to say about them.

To be more specific, a couple of years ago I fell in love with a guy… excuse me…with the “good” in a guy. I was so happy with what I thought he was;he was showing me his good side. The ones around me saw the real him. When he showed me the real side, I was horrified. Believe me, nothing good. At all. On the other side, this experience made me pay more attention to people and my attachment to them. I lost a few more due to poker faces. But guess what? Looking for the real helped me develop more deep and insightful relationships, positive and healthy friendships and an increased self-esteem.

We should be more raw,vulnerable, REAL. We can all pretend that we’re good people, but not everyone is true.

Love you all and have a fantastic day !:)

When a stranger gives you the best lesson.

“I worked in the hospitality industry for three years. And this gave me the chance to meet some great people with whom I am still friends today. One of them is my ex operations manager. The person who tried to change my life while I was working with him, but I refused and learned the lessons he was trying to give me the hard way.

I was a very arrogant but at the same time depressed girl. The type who wants to change the world, but not today. I wasn’t saw anything positive, always complaining about everything. And in the end, after several times of threatening of living, I finally did. But before that, my ex-manager wanted to give me another chance and had a soul-to-soul discussion about being more positive and open to opportunities. I heard what he had to say, but didn’t pay too much attention to put it into practice.

I went back home, ended up unemployed and in the wrongest relationship of my life. The result? A depression that almost drove me to suicide, more toxic people, and a complete lack of sense in my life. And then is when I remembered that discussion, and realized that the problem was no one but myself. My life, my decisions, my results.

So I started to read personal development books, meditate, did courses and met new people and made new friends. And then came the biggest test: a new relationship. I’ve met someone amazing on the internet and thought he was the one…but after a month I found out that he was in a 6 years long-distance relationship. And then is when I understood that I was finally healed from the past and stronger than I thought. I left him but compared to my previous relationship, this time I knew how to deal with the situation and show more love and respect for myself.

And the most beautiful thing this taught me is that I am ENOUGH. It’s fantastic to have people who truly care and love you, but if you are not OK with yourself, you will never be happy. So cherish yourself more than anything else”

Hello everybody! This is an email that I received from a girl who wants to tell you her story. About how in life, you should receive the help and support at the right time and not wait until you are on the edge of life.

“I worked in the hospitality industry for three years. And this gave me the chance to meet some great people with whom I am still friends today. One of them is my ex operations manager. The person who tried to change my life while I was working with him, but I refused and learned the lessons he was trying to give me the hard way.

I was a very arrogant but at the same time depressed girl. The type who wants to change the world, but not today. I wasn’t saw anything positive, always complaining about everything. And in the end, after several times of threatening of living, I finally did. But before that, my ex-manager wanted to give me another chance and had a soul-to-soul discussion about being more positive and open to opportunities. I heard what he had to say, but didn’t pay too much attention to put it into practice.

I went back home, ended up unemployed and in the wrongest relationship of my life. The result? A depression that almost drove me to suicide, more toxic people, and a complete lack of sense in my life. And then is when I remembered that discussion, and realized that the problem was no one but myself. My life, my decisions, my results.

So I started to read personal development books, meditate, did courses and met new people and made new friends. And then came the biggest test: a new relationship. I’ve met someone amazing on the internet and thought he was the one…but after a month I found out that he was in a 6 years long-distance relationship. And then is when I understood that I was finally healed from the past and stronger than I thought. I left him but compared to my previous relationship, this time I knew how to deal with the situation and show more love and respect for myself.

And the most beautiful thing this taught me is that I am ENOUGH. It’s fantastic to have people who truly care and love you, but if you are not OK with yourself, you will never be happy. So cherish yourself more than anything else”

A toxic relationship:the worst nightmare.

Hello everybody! For the past few days, I had this topic in mind, trying to decide if I should write about it or not. And here we are.

This post is a true story that I hope will help others who are in the same situation. There comes a moment in your life when you fall in love with the wrongest person. You know, that type of relationship who takes everything and sometimes, everyone from you, but gives nothing instead. The relationship that makes you feel worthless, incomplete, and a total wreck.

Well, the wounds left after you break up with your toxic partner are extremely hard to heal. The mental and physical pain is so hard to deal with. It feels like you have no life left inside and have no clue how to go back to your life, the one before this nightmare.

And when you think that you healed and ready to move on, someone appears in your life. A handsome, well-educated, and sexy as hell man. The type of guy with whom you speak until 3 am and feel like it’s been a 30 minutes discussion and not 5 hours one. And he sees through you, your rawest side, the one completely naked (and not talking about clothes). And at that moment, the triggers start: The comparison with the toxic ex begins, bringing back memories and wounds that you project onto the new guy. And you start to question every little thing he says or does. You want him, but at the same time, you are scared as hell.

And then one night, he disappears without saying anything. And then the worst scenario comes to your mind: you have been ghosted again. He abandoned you too. And your anxiety, overthinking, and everything else hits again. Stronger than ever. Because you realize that you had a chance with a great guy and you lost it. But he comes back. Just had an emergency….. And then is the moment when you realize that you fell for him. But what do you do when the fear of the past, still plays you? Do you fight to open up and gain a chance to be happy? Or do you lose the guy, give in to the ghost of the past and live a miserable life?

Maybe life gives you a real chance to happiness or another lesson. No one knows but as Eminem’s song says :
“Look
If you had
One shot
Or one opportunity
To seize everything you ever wanted
In one moment
Would you capture it
Or just let it slip?”

The decision belongs to each one of us. Let’s just make it the right way. Love you all and thanks for being part of Yanny’s Journey.

An Easter to remember.

Hello everyone! I hope you and your families are all fine. Happy Easter!!Today is the third day of Orthodox Easter. And this is the topic for today. How this Easter (not only the orthodox but also the catholic one) was more special than in the past years.

We are going through a dark period. A period of uncertainty, mixed feelings, far from the ones we love and apparently with no brighter future. Apparently. I can definitely say that this Easter was one of the biggest life lessons someone could ever give us.

As much as I hate to say it, this virus also has something good. Brings people back together. And no, I am not talking about exes 🙂 I am talking about people that we always said we wanted to contact them but never got the chance, as we were way too busy, running for stupid things. Things that now are useless.

This Easter showed the human side of us. Not the material one. We didn’t have the chance to show off the last bag or dress we bought, the new mani/pedi we got or how we made our hair for a fancy party. Nope. We didn’t even get the chance to go to the church. We had to find the faith inside us. Or at least, what was left. For the first time, we had to find the light within ourselves and not get it from the church.

This Easter was a reset button for most of us. Why? Because we did or at least I hope we did understand that the biggest gift life gave us is the family. Having the opportunity to call your loved ones and hearing that they are safe and sound, is priceless. It was for the first time in 28 years when calling my grandmothers on the first day of Easter made me cry. Of sadness and happiness at the same time. It made me realize that I am more vulnerable and emotional when it comes to my family than I have ever thought. Not being able to see our friends,family and the people we love, showed once more how insignificant our life is without love. And closure. Maybe this virus and the quarantine will make all of us understand that we can have as much money we want, fancy clothes or expensive stuff. We can have EVERYTHING we want. But if we do not have our family or the people we love and care for, with us to share all of this, we are NOTHING.

Hopefully, next year, things will go back to normal and we will be together and celebrate Easter. But there will be different versions of ourselves. Better ones. Because, by then, we will learn to appreciate more the freedom and love. And live in the moment, without excuses.

Who are we really?

“Who are you?”. One of the questions that we have to deal with, every day. It’s easy to answer it just with a name, but deep inside, who are you?

Nowadays, people wear masks. To pretend to be someone else or to hide things from other people. It is in human nature to try to be better than the one next to us or possessing more things than others. But we forget the essence. Slowly, but surely, we forget ourselves. It is a pattern that each one of us hears since childhood: go to school, get a job, get married, have children and die. No one is asking us what we want. What we truly want.

I absolutely hate questions like:”Oh, you are 27 and still not married?”, “When will you get pregnant?”. Why is this your problem?? The society nowadays is so focused on labels and fake conclusions that is unbelievable. It’s not ok to be fat, slim, divorced, gay, single, unemployed, or God knows what else. Don’t judge before knowing the person. You don’t know what is on her plate.

I see girls in 20s, with no dreams at all, only wanting to marry rich guys so they can make fun of their poorer friends…….. Or women staying in toxic relationships just because of what would people say. And men who believe that they are in the Middle Ages and treat women like slaves. Ummmmm….times changes.

We are stuck in a generation where loyalty is just a word, love is slowly disappearing and lying is the new truth. Don’t get me wrong, I am not saying that everyone is the same. But it is a pity the fact that in our run for money, power and reputation, we forget the humanity.

Let’s do an exercise. Take a look in the mirror and ask yourself ” Who are you?” . And try to give the most honest answer. Is the one that you are looking at, a person or a human? I wish you all a weekend full of love, peace and positive energy. And let’s make this world a better place 🙂

How can being gay be changed by religion??

Since I was a child I have been thought by people around me that being gay/lesbian is a disease. I was 19 when I first met one. And it was “love at first sight”. He is still one of my best friends and is the one who changed my mind completely. Throughout the time, due to university and work, had the chance to create a group of LGBT people. And although I am straight, I loved going to their parties and parades with my friends.

Last night I was with one of them, shopping. While we were in the queue to pay, there was a foreign old couple behind us who suddenly approached my friend. They were very religious and started to be very rude to him , by telling him that he is an error of  nature and I should pray for his soul to come back to normality. They kept telling us that in their country, he would be killed for being gay and he should seek religious and mental help.

Now my question is: how on earth can religion change a gay/lesbian orientation?? It would be like if I’m praying God to make lesbian and tomorrow when I will wake up, I will be one??? This is pure b******t. I know people who took their lives for not being accepted in their family or friends circle when they came out.

People should understand that being gay is not a choice. Is not like a pair of shoes that you choose to wear. It’s something that you are born with. I have an acquaintance who was married for 10 years and had children because his family obliged him. When his parents died, he married a guy. And he is extremely happy, as he always knew he is gay. And his wife had a double life while trying to cover him.

If you believe that whoever you are praying to, will change your child’s orientation, you have no brain. We should be more open-mind and accept love in all its forms. Why it should bother me that the guy or the girl next to me has a different orientation. It’s his/her life.

The worst thing that the “lady” told my boy last night was “being gay will also make you look for small children attention. You will become a pedophile too.” This broke his heart. He is a teaching assistant. And is doing an amazing job. The kids really love him. But what has to do being a gay with a pedophile?? There are a lot of straight pedophiles too. Are they better just because they are straight??

We should pay more attention to what are we talking about. And if we are not sure about something, just shut the hell up. One thing is to be religious and the other is to make others be an idiot and selfish as you. I am religious in my way but I am also mature enough to understand that the world is changing and we love more the one next to us.

So I am still asking myself: how religion can change sexual orientation?

Why do we play with feelings?

Yesterday I was with some friends celebrating a name anniversary.And we started to talk about relationships. One of the girls had a similar experience, with the difference that her guy never ever try to maintain contact with her. My ex called me first thing at midnight on New Year’s night. Acting like nothing happened. He continued to check all my Whatsapp statuses and liking everything I post on social media. Furthermore, he was one of the first people to contact me when he found out about the death of my friend.

What is it going on with him? Dumping me for his ex but being only with his friends on New Year’s party and sending me messages? I tried to answer only basic things but I wanted to ask him soo many things. It’s been more than 2 weeks but I still miss him. However,I chose to continue with no-contact strategy.

Why do we prefer to play with other’s feelings? Due to confusion? Preferring someone that we already know but running after others? Is it helping our ego to know that there are more people wanting us? In this case, he definitely doesn’t know what he wants. Or maybe he does but he is playing. It’s really stupid doing this especially to people that are really nice and don’t deserve this at all. My grandfather told me when I was a kid that the most important in a relationship is to treat your partner as you want to be treated. Love and give. Don’t expect the moon from him but from your part give everything.

But what happens when you give everything and not receive the same? Is it enough for a person to love and care for 2? Is it fair for someone to don’t receive everything from his/her partner just because they are a couple?

We all deserve to love and be loved. To be cared for and appreciated. I have learned that I am just losing my time waiting for someone who will never give me 100%. There are 7+ billion people in this world. Our soul-mate is definitely somewhere. Be patient and hope. And love those who really matter.

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How being bullied can completely change your life. Part 2.

It was 2010. The year when everything changed. There was a new English teacher coming to the class. S liked her since the first time she entered the room and the feeling was mutual. During one of the lectures, one of the boys verbally attacked S again. And it was for the first when someone defended her. The teacher stood up for S and told the guy to leave the room. S finally felt protected and thought that maybe if she will tell her teacher about what was going on, she may be able to give S an advice or help her. That discussion took place and not only that it helped S to be more confident about herself but also helped her open with her parents. It was one month left until S was becoming an adult. She was turning 18. But compared to her colleagues, she didn’t want any party, she just wanted a small reunion with her family. However, her parents decided to take her on a surprise holiday in Turkey. 2 weeks to spend with her parents and discover Turkey.

During the time in Turkey, S finally decided to open up and explain the situation to her parents. Everything. Step by step. My parents wanted to take me out of that class and move me to another one. But I had only one year left so in the end, I stayed in that class. But the things changed. At the beginning of the last year in high school , S changed completely. After 18 years, her parents decided to buy her a dog. It was the best present ever. That dog mentally helped S more than anything . The little friend gave S so much confidence and puppy love that she couldn’t have asked for more. S started to get out, go for walks, meet new dog owners and so on.

And the things were getting even better. One night, during dinner time, her father asked her if she would want to go and study at the university abroad. It was the moment when her life changed forever. She started to apply for uni, got accepted at 3 and pushed herself for 1 year to be sure she will have the chance to change her life. There were voices saying she won’t be able to do it, but she proved everyone wrong. She didn’t help her colleagues anymore, focused on herself and didn’t let anyone, anymore  put her down. It was her moment. And she made it. She forgot about the suicide thoughts but she is still having sometimes small panic attacks and anxiety.

As I previously said, this is a true story. And I wanted to share it with you to make you understand that there is always a way. Don’t feel ashamed to ask for help. You are not alone. Don’t let anyone make you feel worthless. Just stand up and show your true value. Suicide is NOT a solution. Don’t give up on your dreams and life just because some assholes don’t have anything better to do than making fun of yourself.  You can do it!

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